Time To Get Swole

Man, do I have some magical, mystical, mass building advice for you today. But I know – you’re extremely skeptical. You’re waiting for the bullcrap; to be let down by some cool sounding training system with overly complicated mumbo jumbo, and exercises that suck.

Sorry, no fail for you today.

I don’t hand out fail. I’m not pushing an agenda. You want to get big fast, then do the following.

1 – Stay with a Simple Routine

Listen, you have been searching for the ultimate routine for years. In fact, you spend more time reading about routines then performing routines. And each week you switch routines. I’ve found it, this week I’m making the change to blah, blah, blah and will grow!

Fail!

Enough with this foolishness. I’m about to carpet bomb your fantasies, so you have been warned. Brace yourself. Here goes…it doesn’t matter what routine you use. Yes, you heard me right. Doggcrapp, Max Stim, Dogg Stim, Max Crapp…whatever. Just pick something and stick with it. And make sure the routine isn’t complicated. You don’t need complicated.

A simple routine focuses on progression of weight using basic heavy compound lifts including:

• Squats
• Deadlifts
• Bench Press
• A form of the Overhead Press

E. T. C.

If you find that your routine has you doing giant sets, drop sets, or focusing on the dreaded mind-muscle connection, run like the wind. And worse yet, if it contains too many isolation movements…well…FAIL. You don’t need training techniques or isolation movements, you need to:

2 – Lift Heavy Ass Weights

Lift heavy ass weight. Heavy ass weight makes muscles grow. Heavy ass weight can be in any rep range, because it is heavy ass weight and is kicking your balls seven ways to Sunday.

What rep range should I use? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

What should my rep speed be? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

Should I do cable crossovers before or after flyes, and should incline bench be performed with a 22 degree angle, or a 24 degree angle? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

What split is the most effective for mass? FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

GO LIFT HEAVY ASS WEIGHTS!

But I don’t want to lift heavy! So and so says that squats are bad for your knees, and my mom is afraid and wants me to take up knitting.

Both so and so, and your mom (no offense to moms) can barely lift a roll of toilet paper to wipe their own asses. If you want to look like your mom, listen to the training advice of your mom. If you want to pack on muscle, lift heavy ass weight!

The end!

3 – Stop Bitching and Get Your Ass to the Gym!

I’m tired.

My toe hurts.

My right nut seems small today, maybe I shouldn’t train.

Want to know how to fail? I mean epic fail? Continue to make excuses, and avoid going to the gym. Want to know how to succeed? Gird up your balls, shut the hell up, and get your ass to the gym, 52 weeks a year. The end.

This isn’t complicated.

Of course your left nut hurts! You’re lifting weights. Lifting heavy ass weights will hurt from time to time. Pain is part of the equation. We aren’t collecting bottle caps here, Charles.

4 – Forget Your Damned Abs and Eat!

I want a six pack!

Bud, if you think you can pack on muscle and carve out a six pack in the same month, you need to lay off the crack pipe.

This just in…if you want muscle, you need to eat big. If you want to be a 220 mass monster, but only weigh 120, you need to start eating like you weigh 220 pounds.

How long should I bulk before I cut? FAIL! Eat until people at the gym start asking you where you get your steroids from. Then, and only then can you start cutting.

Should my bulk be dirty or clean? FAIL! Grab a shovel and get to gettin’.

Whole milk has fat! Almonds have fat! I can’t eat fat! FAIL! Listen, drinking whole milk and lifting heavy ass weights equals muscle mass.

Final Thoughts

1. Lift heavy ass weight using heavy ass compound lifts.
2. Eat big.
3. Never miss a workout.
4. Stick with a basic routine.

Follow these 4 rules for two years and you will dramatically change your body. The end.

Related Posts

• No Related Posts

11 Responses to “4 Ways to Get Freaking Huge”

1. Don’t miss these great links! says:

   June 10, 2010 at 1:05 pm

   [...] “Four ways to get freaking huge” is a very simple but funny article on Muscle and Brawn that is less about getting huge and more about progressing and getting stronger.  In short, keep it simple, lift heavy, eat big and don’t miss gym sessions.  It’s the sort of article that’s quite nice to send to someone who is still doing cable cross-overs, smith-machine bench presses and biceps curls three times a week and isn’t really getting anywhere.  [...]
2. tommy coates says:

   June 13, 2010 at 7:25 am

   Thats about it it will get you bigger to get super big you have to have big parents i e mother or father.
3. Bulkupfast says:

   June 14, 2010 at 11:49 am

   You know what the problem is with this type of very honest and clear writing?

   People just dont believe it can be that simple. They have to believe in the ‘latest fad workout’ or ‘the newest boldest super supplement’. Why?

   There are too many reasons to write here. As someone famous once said when asked why I answer ‘because’. Now go and lift some heavy weights, and make sure you periodise your prog (forget a split routine, simple alternating weeks of 5-10-15 reps will do it), then eat a bucketload of food. Then you will grow, it is that simple. All you need to do now is add some dedication in and results will be yours.
4. Lift Heavy Ass Weights - Ausbb - Australian BodyBuilding says:

   June 16, 2010 at 5:02 pm

   [...] [...]
5. Lift Heavy Ass Weights - Page 4 - Ausbb - Australian BodyBuilding says:

   June 17, 2010 at 8:20 am

   [...] advice of your mom. If you want to pack on muscle, lift heavy ass weight! The end! source: 4 Ways to Get Freaking Huge Muscle and Brawn Bodybuilding and Powerlifting. Forgot to leave the ego at the door before entering the gym I see, or way too much steroid [...]
6. 4 Ways to Get Freaking Huge!! says:

   June 17, 2010 at 9:40 pm

   [...] 4 Ways to Get Freaking Huge Muscle and Brawn Bodybuilding and Powerlifting. Best bulking article ever __________________ Check out and follow my newbie training log! In [...]
7. FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! (artikel) - Bodynet.nl - Bodybuilding & Fitness discussieforums says:

   June 18, 2010 at 12:49 pm

   [...] FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! (artikel) hehe, ben benieuwd hoe jullie hier over denken? 4 Ways to Get Freaking Huge Muscle and Brawn Bodybuilding and Powerlifting. [...]
8. Moedal says:

   June 18, 2010 at 6:53 pm

   Holy crap! LMFAO!!! What a funny article! Had me nearly rolling on the floor. Mostly, because I’ve been there, and done that (whimpy, crappy, no fat, high rep workouts that don’t mean jack!). It’s so simple yet complicated for most folks. There is no other way to pack the mass on unless you eat. After all, workouts are only 10% of the equation, while diet is over 90% alone!
9. jaries says:

   June 21, 2010 at 3:52 pm

   ^^ To Moedal -> I think you’re forgetting about an even more important recipe to getting big – SLEEP!!
10. caleb says:

    June 24, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    phenomal article!! i’ve been telling my male clients this for years!! my motto is “Eat big, lift big, sleep big, get big!” its that simple!! nice to see someone finally put it in an article! Great one guys!
11. jab@animalpak says:

    June 27, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    It is very true that both Vic Richards and Ronnie Coleman lift heavy. However!!! Those vains you see all over their muscles are crammed with artificial testosterones and growth hormones. Their hard work cannot be doubted but their size is of steroid and hgh usage.
12. Buck Buck says:

    June 28, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    They still have to work hard. Steroids generally requires you to train harder and smarter, to a certain extent.
13. Eliran says:

    July 8, 2010 at 8:05 am

    LOL i laughted so hard..! it’s so truee!
14. SUB2SILK says:

    August 3, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    I love this article!! I have to agree, I have been lifting on and off since I was 16 year skinny kid, I am now 48. One thing I have done time and time again, when I wanted to get”BIG” again was to simply “Lift Heavy Ass Weight” with insane intensity and BAM!! I always got great results, and people asking how did you do that. I tell them, exactly what you are saying. Thanks for a refreshing article.
15. hugerobb says:

    August 10, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    I have always ate in bulk and drank 2 gallons of whole milk a day and lifted heavy ass weight and Im now at 340 pounds of solid mass so its ture eat big lift heavy.
16. A. Twat says:

    August 11, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    great article but that photo on the end of it is proper skinny you should of used a better one
17. beste manier om groot te worden - Pagina 3 - Bodynet.nl - Bodybuilding & Fitness discussieforums says:

    August 23, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    [...] 4 Ways to Get Freaking Huge Muscle and Brawn Bodybuilding and Powerlifting. succes [...]