You Know You’re Bulking When…

You know you’re bulking when…

  1. You crap twice a day.
  2. The hot cashier suddenly thinks you’re a pig because all the food you bought isn’t for a party, merely for your heavy squat day…
  3. If your gas can gag a maggot and then some.
  4. You make 3lbs of bacon, and don’t share.
  5. You don’t have a single pair of shorts or jeans that fit you.
  6. Your girlfriend’s parents have to start buying wholesale groceries because you eat so much.
  7. You get invited to dinner but have a supersized McDonalds’ meal on your way there just to be on the safe side.
  8. You don’t count calories, you count plates or bowls.
  9. You make family sized portions for just you.
  10. You eat your meals out of a salad bowl, because they don’t fit on a plate.
  11. You post on Facebook that you are done with your cut and now going 500kcal above maintenance at a 40/40/20 split.
  12. You eat 2000 calories a day… for breakfast.
  13. You have to carry around a small backpack for all the food you bring for lunch.
  14. There are two fridges in the kitchen at the office. One for you and the other for the rest of the office.
  15. After 6 months of eating, you see a Cacique catalog model you think to yourself, she needs to eat.
  16. You cook extra portions at dinner, enough for you to take for lunch the next day, and then you proceed to eat every single bite of it in one sitting.
  17. You put heavy whipping cream in your cereal instead of milk.
  18. You track ground beef and cheese servings instead of macros.
  19. You buy candy for your kids and somehow you happen to try every kind out, twice.
  20. You crap 3-4 times a day.
  21. You get a calf pump just walking around.
  22. You can’t make a fist nor straighten your fingers because of  water bloat.
  23. You can’t afford vacation. 10,000 cals a day are just too expensive when you have to eat out.
  24. You pass out when trying to pick up your kid from the ground.
  25. You have 20 grams of fish oil instead of 3, just for the calories.
  26. You grab the container of ice cream and a spoon.
  27. The people at the buffet try to hurry and get in front of you in line because they are worried there won’t be anything good left.
  28. When your plates and bowls from a meal no longer fit on a TV tray.
  29. When Taco Bell charges your card 114.78 because they think you wont notice.
  30. While trying to convince the buffet owner that you don’t intend to put him out of business, he facetious asks you if you know what the gender or due date of your baby is.
  31. When you drink a glass of whole milk and eat some cold pizza and a bag of chips while you heat up a top ramen noodle pack then eat some candy while the noodles are cooling off for a post workout snack.
  32. When your significant other is gone for the weekend and for meals you still cook the same amounts for both of you AND eat both portions.
Steve Shaw
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