You know those guys who go to the gym religiously, but after looking at their physique, you’re left wondering: do you even lift?
Gym weaklings aren’t annoying because they’re weak, after all, not everyone can be strong…they’re irritating because they often come with certain characteristics and behaviours that piss off every other gym-goer known to man.
Here’s the top 7 signs that you’re weak...sorry in advance if these describe you (not really sorry).
1. You Wear a Vest to the Gym
…But your arms are less than 15 inches.
This is the equivalent of shaving your pubic hair to make your schlong look bigger, but you have a micropenis.
Okay this is a little harsh, especially in the summer when it’s hot and you’re doing intense workouts. But we all know a guy who thinks he looks like Jeff Seid, but in reality looks more like Napoleon Dynamite. He’s often seen wearing a vest or tank top to the gym, and spends more time looking in the mirror than making those spaghetti arms grow.
Charles Poliquin famously tore a vest off someone who came to his gym, because their arms were deemed too small by him. I believe his minimum limit for wearing a vest was 18 inches, so we’re not being as harsh here…especially as 18 inches is almost impossible for the natty lifter to achieve.
2. You Grunt During Your Set
We all know a grunter. You can be excused from this if you’re deadlifting or squatting over 400 pounds.
In most scenarios the person is doing a 40 pound bicep curl or something even worse…like squatting 200 pounds on the smith machine.
Such gym-goers are insecure, attention-seeking douches – who can’t respect the fact some people come to the gym for peace and quiet …in a bid to get away from their wives moaning at home (not the good kind).
3. You count carbs
If you count carbohydrates, you’re likely not very strong.
It’s not that counting carbs makes you weak, but it’s the mindset and mentality of the typical person who spends their day doing this.
Anyone who’s anal enough to obsess over carbohydrates is almost certainly lacking some level of testosterone. Carbs counting or cycling isn’t for strongmen, but for fitness models who are trying to look good – rather than actually be strong.
4. You ask “how much can you bench?”
If you go around asking people this, you’re essentially telling the world:
“Hey, I’m a weak-ass gym newbie!!!”
Nobody (who’s strong) cares how much other people can lift. Real strong men only care about what THEY can lift, and making sure they beat that PR in their next session.
One of my favourite reply’s to: “How much can you bench” is…
“More than you”.
5. You wear a headband
Really? We’re here to lift heavy ass weights, not to play tennis. Who do you think you are, John McEnroe?
You also probably wear a cap (even in the winter), use liquid chalk and wear a stringer vest.
Oh, and your idol is Zyzz?
6. You’re Vegan
Sorry if you’re a vegan reading this, I respect your moral choices – but you’re almost certainly weak.
Meat is for men. Especially for those trying to get strong.
Some vegans might say, look at Nick Squires, he’s insanely strong. Yes, there are some jacked vegans, but these are the exceptions instead of the norm. Which means they could most likely be even stronger if they followed a more natural diet.
That’s right I said “natural”. It’s not natural for a man to live on vegetables and lentils, God gave animals for us to eat (read the book of Genesis in the Bible) for a reason, because they are a great source of protein and minerals that build up the body.
Vegan diets can also cause a decrease in testosterone levels, due to a lack of zinc and increased soy intake (estrogenic).
Testosterone is the most important hormone in your body, when it comes to lifting heavy weights.
Almost every veganr needs to use supplements to prevent nutritional deficiencies (the most common being B vitamins). Also many vegans struggle to get enough calories each day, due to less food options. Calorie deficit diets are also associated with significantly less testosterone production, with one study showing a 40% decrease in free testosterone (1).
7. You Don’t Squat
If you genuinely have bad knees or avoid squats due to injury you’re excused.
If you’re a sissy, and you don’t squat because they’re too difficult, you’re almost certainly weak.
Ronnie Coleman loved squats.
If Ronnie resembled a silver back gorilla, you’d be a Chihuahua. His comparative superhero would be the Hulk, yours would be ant-man.
You get the picture.
Also this point still applies to you, if you DO perform squats, but you use a pad…
Pads are for women.
If this applies to you, you may also suffer from imaginary lat syndrome.
If any of the above points describe you, don’t worry this article was mainly written for fun.
However, also feel free to consider this post a rebuke.
If you repent of these weakling characteristics, six weeks from now your testosterone will be double, and you’ll forget that you were ever an ectomorph.
(1) 1. Kiddy, D.S. D. Hamilton-Failey, M. Seppala, R. Koistinen, V.H. James, M.J. Reed, and S. Franks. Diet-induced changes in sex hormone binding globulin and free testosterone in women with normal or polycystic ovaries: correlation with serum insulin and insulin-like growth factor-I. Clin Endocrinol (Oxf). 31:757-63, 1989.