How to Gain 70 Pounds of Muscle in 3 Weeks …or, What I’ve Learned by Reading the Ads in Muscular Development
For a moment, let’s pretend we’re new to the sport of bodybuilding. Better yet, mentally put yourself into the sandals of a 130 pound weakling. You head to the beach, and get sand kicked into your face by the big, muscular, bully.
And you’re ticked off!
You want big muscle, and you want it now. You purchase a gym membership, and start pumping iron for 2 hours a day. Nothing much happens, so you look for answers. But where do you look for answers?
Hmm…how about this huge, thick tome of a bodybuilding magazine called Muscular Development. It’s bigger then all the other bodybuilding magazines, so there’s no doubt that it’s the authority on gaining muscle mass.
You start flipping, and flipping, and flipping pages, looking for answers. But all you find are supplement ads. You become frustrated, and want to give up. Then, you begin to notice something.
Every add makes an amazing claim. If you buy their supplement, you will gain muscle mass, and gain it quickly. So, putting two plus two together, you come up with a life changing idea…if you purchase ALL of the supplements, you will gain 70 pounds of muscle mass in 3 weeks.
And you don’t even have to train that hard.
Woo! Did you hear that Ric Flair? Woo! So that is how the pro bodybuilders get huge! Supplements.
Four hours later, and $800 lighter, you arrive home from GNC with a trunk full of junk. Magical junk. Junk that is BETTER then steroids. What did you purchase? Well, let’s take a peak.
Here is where this article becomes serious. And real. I am holding in my hands the December 2008 issue of Muscular Development. Let’s start flipping pages, and take a look at some random supplements. Then we’ll know what skinny guys everywhere are putting their faith into.
USP Labs, Anabolic Pump. Pg 16-17. “Winner of the 2008 Prestigious Top Supplement Award.” Contains an “Anabolic Super Ingredient.” Paul Miller from Buffalo, NY, gained 47 pounds of muscle using Anabolic Pump. Now only $64.95!
SDI-Labs. Legalsteroids.com. Pg 18-21. “No Prescription Required to Order!” George A. from Boynton Beach, FL, says, “I am absolutely shocked at the intense muscle growth I am experiencing from your products!” The Liquid Blitz Cycle stack is now on sale! Save $159.90. Cost after sale price reduction? Now only $479.40!
MHP, SarmX. Pg. 22-23. “Want to know what it’s like to be on steroids?” “You better get it now before it’s banned!” Now only $45.95!
Muscle Asylum Project, Anabolic OD and Freak Fix Muscle Whey. Pg. 96-97. “Increase mass by 300%!” “Build 15 times more muscle!” Now only $67.99!
Muscle Meds, Hexaghen. Pg. 111. “Most are reporting 20-30 pound gains of lean muscle in just 3 months!” Now only $79.99!
Muscletech, Mass-Tech. Pg. 129. “…two daily servings of mass-Tech gained an incredible 6.8 pounds of mass…” Now only $33.99!
Six Star Muscle, Professional Strength Whey Protein. Pg. 162-163. “In a six week research trial three extraordinary test subjects…packed on 11.2, 10.5 and 9.6 pounds of lean muscle.” Now only $19.99!
Man, what a workout. I’m beat! Flipping through Muscular Development is tiring. Have you seen how thick that sucker is? Yeah, I know. I’ve mentioned that fact before. And by the way, I gave up halfway in. You get the picture.
So, let’s tally the score.
7 supplement lines from 7 different companies.
And products that are barely legal, or “are” legal steroids, and have packed on anywhere from 6.8 to 47 pounds of muscle each.
I told you so. You now know how to gain 70 pounds of muscle in 3 weeks. Either that, or you have now been schooled with the truth. You tell me.