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Gym Etiquette RANT for the Strongman/Powerlifter

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Unload your weights!

As a powerlifter and strongman I, on a constant basis, am loading and unloading over 300lbs on most exercises and still find the time to re-rack my own weights. These consist of many plates (45), quarters (25), dimes (10), nickels (5), pancakes (2.5) and hundos (100), as well as an assortment of kilo plating workout to workout. And I never leave the weight on the bar. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR EXCUSE? There are several reasons I rack my weights:

  1. I think unloading my weight constitutes as cardio.
  2. If a weaker member of the gym or a woman complains I get scolded.
  3. I don’t want the bar to warp; I HATE, I HATE, I HATE! bent bars that are warped from NOT LIFTING weights.
  4. It is rude. You don’t go into someone’s house and mess up their furniture.
  5. It creates an unnecessary mess; and don’t wedge 35 lb plates in between the 25 lbers and 45 lb plates!!! And don’t hide my 2.5’s – they make 495 turn into 500 and I LIKE EVEN NUMBERS!!!

Screaming

Screaming is ok if you’re lifting something heavy. Don’t be the guy curling 25 lb dumbbells raving on like a lunatic, because your “dropset” is “intense”. Be considerate, the dumbbell rack is always near the mirrors, treadmills, bikes and stair masters near all the hot women and pimply backed losers… I mean gym goers, and you don’t want to scare them. This is a double standard. When I power curl 80’s for shits and giggles I scream to scare people away. However, I do this on purpose, so that makes it perfectly ok.

Dropping Weights

SHIT HAPPENS! That is ok, sometimes you can’t help it. But don’t be the douche bag that is deadlifting on the weakest spot of the gym, on the wooden floor, with no rubbers and just slams the weight down in victory. Also, don’t be the asshole who throws the barbell if there are no tires or bumper plates on it.

Authors Note

*Listen up you want to be Branch Warren’s – it is bad enough you are curling with my Texas power bar, but if you manage to screw it up because you threw it in a fit of rage it against the wall, guess what else is going through the wall? Now another standard, throwing the barbell and smashing the mirrors is perfectly fine, my own reflection scares me anyway.*

Cell Phones

Unless your you have children who may call you, or have sick or dying family members, leave your cell phone off or on vibrate and in your damn gym bag.

  • Checking the phone when your are leaving the gym is ideal.
  • Checking it once every 15 minutes because you’re expecting an important call is tolerable. Assuming you’re expecting an “important phone call”-  applying that to what was mentioned above.
  • Every 5 minutes is sickening. I don’t care how hot you claim this chick to be, that you’re on the phone so long you’re curling with one arm at a time for 40 minutes, and writing in your journal that you had a “hardcore” workout session,*cough* girly man set. If she was smoking you would be getting your workout on at her place.

*Author’s Rule* -You can chat after and only after you have completed your mission. If your mission was to bullshit about the club and how hung-over you are, and piss me off; mission accomplished. You just made me turn into captain Kirk Karwoski and chuck a plate at you. If you were holding up my power rack or deadlift platform, and it is mine all mine mwhahahahaha >=) an atlas stone is going to come crashing down like a comet onto your jacked head.

*JUST BREATHE TONY! Ok…*DEEP BREATH* Ok moving along now.

Chalk

Perfectly acceptable near the lifting platform, near the strongman equipment, and even ok around the racks and mono-lifts. BUT WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT IS OK TO SHOWER IN CHALK?

  • You’re making the rest of us meat heads look bad.
  • You’re wasting valuable chalk.
  • You’re an idiot for believing chalk is magical pixie dust. Everyone knows you need to chug a can of monster and crack the empty can on your skull while your sniffing ammonia capsules for that to be true.

Flip Flops

Unless you’re a really hot chick or an elite powerlifter belonging to Rhodes town, if I see your little piggy’s going to the market in my gym, they better be ready to have every odd object in the gym smashed on them. Another double standard is lifting barefoot. Hey you think you’re Arnold, or you’re down with the old school – fine. But your feet better not stink or else I am going to play some Highland games in the gym and chuck a hammer at you, or toss you the hell out of there.

*I have plenty of more grievances but I will end on this note, and make this a series. I think I ranted enough for one day.

3 comments

  1. Seriously cellphone really annoys me.

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  2. think*

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  3. I agree, there are few douches in my class who never unload the weights, or even help clean the place. I really hate when people thing they are doing pullups but they are swinging around like monkeys.

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