Grooming Tips for Strongmen and Powerlifters – Part 1
In no particular order:
Trim those split ends! Now before all you “bears” out there go to lynch me – hear me out. I never said you had to shave; frankly, I am against it. All I said was trim those split ends. Yes, having lots of facial hair is manly but when your beard starts lifting up spare dumbbells its time to do something about it. Don’t want to trim it, here are some more manly alternatives:
Duct Tape Removal – If you ever been to a Strongman contest your will see that duct tape is one of the essential items in a Strongman’s medical kit. You will also know it rips off excess hair when you peel it off your forearms.
Callous Removal – Before your read my next segment on how to get rid of callous’ first use them to trim off excess hair.
Tacky Removal – Duct tape not strong enough try some tacky! Tacky is a tree sap sticky goo Strongman use to get a grip on stones. Put this on your skin and it will take all that pesky hair clean off you. Tacky is the Man’s alternative to waxing.
If you’re a real man, you don’t know where your hand actually begins and where your callous’ end. Here are some tips on how to grab a women’s hand without slicing her open:
Warm water and man power – Just place your hand under some warm water and rip those suckers off.
Gloves – If you see anyone in the gym wearing gloves, strangle them until the rough patches on your skin become smooth for their sweat and fear.
Cheese Grater – For the extremists; just try not to go bone deep while filing down.
Bite off your nails – Just try not to take off the whole hand while your at it, just because it looks like a ham hock doesn’t mean it will taste like one.
While Axe and Tag have become staples in men’s locker room etiquette, it would be nice to walk through without having to hold my breath.
Strong body wash/soap – Don’t use some generic brand that melts and dissolves upon impact to your flesh. Use something strong meant for athletes that will stick with out through a sweaty summer workout with no time to shower afterwards. If it stays 3 times the clean, Sport, or ODOR CONTROL, chances are it won’t evaporate on you. If it does just vanish into thin air go to your nearest Hazmat center, immediately.
Strong Deodorant – Once again anything that says SPORTS, EXTREME, or for MEN, should do.
Mouth care – Now since you’re always eating I know it is unreasonable to tell you to brush your teeth but there are still some things you can do with out making people pass out every time you open your mouth. Some Tic Tacs every hour, or some strong gum, like Orbit or Trident should do the trick. For the really extreme guys out there, carry a pocket flask with extra strength mouthwash…unless you like working out and living alone.