Maybe some people still do. I call 'em "muscle comics."
Way back when I was a kid, I remember spotting an issue of a
certain muscle mag at a health food store where I would buy
Hoffman's High Protein Powder, Energol and Quick Gain
I flipped through the magazine.
There was an article about a top champion of the day, and how
he built his world famous "cannonball delts."
Me, I weighed something like eighty or ninety pounds at the
time, and I sported what could charitably be described as
beebee sized delts.
So the cannonball thing was pretty appealing.
I looked around to make sure no one was looking. My friends
would have laughed at me if they had seen me buy a muscle
"Look, there's stick-boy Kubik. He thinks he's gonna be Mr.
America," they would have said.
I ran home and read the article. The cannonball delts guy did
four exercises. One of them was the seated press with a pair of
heavy dumbbells. The guy who wrote the article had actually
trained with the champ, so he knew all about it.
He said the champ used ninety pound dumbbells for his heavy
sets. Did six sets of six reps with them.
At the time, I was struggling with forty pounds in the barbell
press. So ninety pound dumbbell presses seemed pretty much
out of this world.
I read the article over and over, and pretty much memorized it.
Five or six years later, I was at the same health food store, and
I spotted another issue of the same magazine. I picked it up,
and saw exactly the same article about the guy with the
Same author, same photos, same four exercises, same sets,
same reps, same everything.
Except there was one difference. Instead of blitzing his
shoulders with ninety pounders, Mr. Cannonball Delts was
using one hundred fifty pounders.
I thought it over, and finally figured out that some over zealous
editor had decided to up the Champ's training poundages from
"really good" to superhumanly and supremely off the charts
out of sight over the top incredible.
Which is why the muscle comics report that this year's Mr.
Intergalactic MegaMuscles has twenty-three inch upper arms,
when they really measure eighteen and a half inches.
Why they claim he trains for seven hours six days a week when
he really only trains for an hour or ninety minutes four times a
Most people who read the muscle comics believe everything in
them. There's not very much you can do for these people. If
someone truly believes everything he reads in the muscle mags,
it means his brain has gone into total sensory overload, fried
itself, and turned him into a zombie. So there's really no way to
I spotted a guy at the gym once. He was wearing a shirt with a
hand-lettered slogan done in heavy duty, industrial strength
magic marker. It was his creed. I think he based his entire life
"Shut up and trane."
And yes, that's how he spelled it.
He'd been reading too many muscle comics.
Yours in strength,
Views 179 Comments 1
|10-23-2013, 08:04 AM||#2|
wants a 900lb Total
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Hastings, Florida
Training Exp: 1yr-6mo stupid, 6mo smart
Training Type: Powerlifting
Fav Exercise: DEADS
Fav Supp: Condense
Love Kubik's stories!
Best Gym Lifts...Dosen't matter....they don't count!
Best Meet Lifts:
Squat = 319
Bench = 204
Dead = 336
Total = 859
The iron is there during my times of happiness, sadness and anger. The iron is there available through the 4 seasons and inclement weather. The iron is there to either comfort me or motivate me. The Iron manages to show me how strong I am or how humble I need to be. The iron does not yell, but it always demands respect. The iron is not a disciplinarian, but when disrespected, I feel it for a long time. The iron does not love or hate, but we definitely share a strong bond. And no matter how far I stay away or for how long, the iron is there, waiting to be lifted.
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