I agree with Steve on this one. LInden you need to talk to your parents and get some help. It is not normal to obsess the way that you do, over any weight gain and / or fat gain.
You will not stay cut all the time- it will not happen without chemcal assistance.
We all get older - we all gain weight- we all lose weight. Hell, even Arnold got fat at one point... it is not the end of the world.
You have made good progress keep on eating and lifting.
I don't know anything about OCD type issues but I do know that lifting and growing are not that complcated.
Difficult, yes complicated, no. Don't try to make them that way.
Trust (and enjoy) the process.
If the iron game is that hellish to you perhaps, you need to consider a new path. It is not the be all end all. It is suppossed to be fun.
Good luck and happy lifting.
The squat rack didn't say anything. Squat racks never do.