Stubborn People and Solutions

[BigFiveFive]

Don't talk about it, be about it.

[MC]

As far as a solution, one I have used with a few close friends (After either offering to help or showing them the way) is:

I refuse to talk about or listen to you complain about something you can do something about. Change it or just drop it. The energy you spend complaining about it could be better used changing it.

Spouses and significant others especially feel entitled to complain ad nauseum. One of the very cool agreements my ex and I had was, after the 3 time, we reminded the other--"Okay, that's the third complaint--what are you going to do about it?" It was a gentle, pointed reminder to shut up and DO.

After you're settled, spouses often seem to want you less desirable to others (heavier, etc) as a way of feeling more secure. In my mind, the expectation should be that we maintain, to the extent possible, the great body (among other attributes) that first caught our attention.

Multiple kids and double digit marriage years are not excuses for 50+ pounds between a couple. People have time for what they want to have time for. Period.

[MikeM]

My wife and I both gained "baby weight" after baby one in 2005, and we had trouble shedding it when "babies" started eating solid food starting last year. We were both former athletes, but still very frustrated at getting back to our former selves.

Interestingly almost two years ago, I threw myself into gym workouts very hard and well into today. But while she dieted using weightwatchers, and lost weight back to her pre-pregancy weight realtively easily, she cannot workout because of her schedule, and is not happy about her lack of "tone".

On the other hand, while I have lost weight overall, I am not even within 10 pounds of my pre-marriage weight, but am much stronger than when we married and she always wants me to wear tight polo shirts to show off my "guns". (Swede would cringe upon seeing my pistols. I refuse to call them guns)

She is similar to our marriage weight (10 years ago), but unhappy about her lack of strength or endurance. I am much stronger than our marriage weight and while lesser weight, I am much stronger, but perhaps don't look it if one was to focus on my tremendous ab "developement".

Bottom Line. Everybody is what they are, grows or shrinks, based on who they are. Extraordinary changes are flukes of nature.

[Soldier]

This is true of other things too. I work at a juvenile detention facility, and we have kids who love talking crap to other kids, but never follow through on anything. I always tell kids to not be afraid of the big mouths; be afraid of the quiet kid in the corner. He's the one who will flip and rip your face off.

Talkers are hardly ever doers.