Sex talk

[Chillen]

Originally Posted by Ryano

Well said Chillen. I've been married almost 31 years now. First time I kissed my wife she was in the 7th grade, I was in the 8th. You just have to keep eatin' the grass in your own pasture. Like I said before, the grass might look greener on the other side of the fence, but it's still grass. I still look at the other grass, but I don't eat it.LOL

Just like in fitness, there are always someone fitter, stronger, bigger, leaner, and seems to progress better, but it doesn't make your success in your specific fitness goals any the less.

Likewise, there are always different beautiful woman out there, but none shine brighter from the inside and out than my wife. Have given my life to her, because of her debilitating diseases and disibilities, and through my fitness as I age with her, this by itself will up the odds I will be in a position to take care of her (cloth, bathe, feed, etc) as she becomes incapable. I will not disgrace her love by having a body that cannot perform in the functions that she will need one day. I have been consistent, because my heart and soul is behind what I do, and I know what I am doing is the right thing. If I faulter, it will be due to things I have no control over, and not the things I do have contol over. I accept this as a fact of living life, and roll with it.

I know this is sort of topic, but feel the need to express it:

Moral investment in family, is priceless.

Moral investment in friends who are considered family, is priceless.

Just as Steve Jobs said recently in a speech prior to his death, is that he has learned thorugh his cancer and other health problems......what really matters in the end.

We have too much anger in this world. Wish we all could get along, and just be respectable in our personal disagreements, and just love and respect one another.

[Shadowschmadow]

I hope the best for you and your wife in the future, Chillen.

[MC]

Originally Posted by Livingitup48

Do you couples that have been married for a while still maintain decent relations?

I was married for over a decade to a woman I met in college. We had two kids and never stopped having good relations. Even once we had kids we would find time (date nights and sleep overs) to keep the spark going.

I think there are some things that are promoted as "cultural expectations after marriage" that simply don't HAVE to be. You don't have to stop having good sex once you have kids in the same way that you don't have to gain 50 pounds and "let yourself go." I'm not dismissing stress and work/home life as nothing- it's hard work to not let that drag you down, but it's effort well spent, if you ask me.

As others have said, sex isn't the be all end all, but is IS important. It's the ultimate physical (and emotional connection) you can maintain with someone and it is extremely validating. Who doesn't feel 10 times better after getting laid?

The problem, IMO, comes in with the fact that few couples are truly open and honest with each other when it comes to desire and sexual appetite and arousal. Men fear coming off as pure perverts and women fear being labeled as something like a "tramp" when really, each of us wants a spouse/partner/SO that has the same sexual appetite as we do.

So, my advice is to be open and honest about what you want and expect. About what really turns you on and excites you. Create a safe space where there is no judgment and wallow in that security: share fantasies, do roleplay, explore.

Remember that the two people IN the relationship get to decide the terms OF the relationship. And that its no one else's business as long as if makes the two of you happy and keeps things going strong.

[Off Road]

I had enough experience before I got married to know that even though the grass may look greener on the other side, it all tastes the same. And you don't get butchered early for tearing down the owners fence.

[Shadowschmadow]

I think a big part of maintaining a solid relationship is communication. Too often things go unsaid, and it could just be a simple misunderstanding or it could lead to bigger issues after things have built up over time. As stated above; you can't fix something that you don't know is broken.

Another big thing is patience and understanding that everyone makes mistakes, and does things their partner dislikes. Just something to consider for the next time you get pissed off at what your spouse does, because there are surely things that you do that piss them off just as much. When you can learn to let the little shit slide, you'll be much better off.

[BendtheBar]

The grass often looks nice, and appears harmless, but once you jump the fence all hell can break loose. Don't jump the fence unless you are prepared to handle the worst.

And remember, if you jump the fence as a selfish bastard, you land a selfish bastard.

Stop worrying about the problems of others and fix your own. It's amazing what this does for relationships.

[Chillen]

Originally Posted by Shadow

I hope the best for you and your wife in the future, Chillen.

Thank you. I am mean and nasty, and meaner and nastier than anything inside that my body can put out. I have learned, when young, that the body can do more than the mind "thinks" it can. As such, there is nothing, nothing, that my wife will face in the future, no tears that will fall, that I can not wipe a way. I value life and relationships over anything. In the end when all chips fall, all of our petty differences do not matter....when the body in which carries you through life.....fails to deliver. Investing in this isnt temporary. Its a life-time investment.

[Livingitup48]

How do you handle things when one person doesn't want to change or improve any more and they just give up?

[5kgLifter]

Originally Posted by Livingitup48

How do you handle things when one person doesn't want to change or improve any more and they just give up?

The question is, how would you like them to handle it if it were you in that scenario of having given up? Sometimes that helps shed light on what is the most sensible course to take.

[Chillen]

Originally Posted by Livingitup48

How do you handle things when one person doesn't want to change or improve any more and they just give up?

You know the old adage: There is more than one way to skin a cat. The "approach" all depends on the traits and charactoristics of the subject person, and the "type of change" that is the subject matter. Also, of importance, is the amount of unilateral love and "devotion" that is in play.

Do you have an example?