A few words from mgmt.

[glwanabe]

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag , we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly , you need to learn to manage your money better , so that you may buy nicer clothes , and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right , you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor , you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends , relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary , the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes , an alarm will sound , the toilet paper roll will retract , the stall door will open , and a picture will be taken. After your second offense , your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch , as they need to eat more , so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch , because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore , all questions , comments , concerns , complaints , frustrations , irritations , aggravations , insinuations , allegations , accusations , contemplations , consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management

[bamazav]

When did this place become a Planet Fitness Franchise?

[BendtheBar]

Originally Posted by glwanabe

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor , you are able to come to work.

If I am well enough to reach the phone, should I come into work? Or should I only miss work if I pass out, go into a coma or die?

[glwanabe]

Originally Posted by BendtheBar

If I am well enough to reach the phone, should I come into work? Or should I only miss work if I pass out, go into a coma or die?

If you can answer the phone, then you are well enough to come into work, and answer the phones.

If you pass out we will supply amonia inhalents to wake you up. These can be payroll deducted.

If you die, call first so that we may have somebody else do your work as well as theirs.

[BendtheBar]

Thanks for clearing that up.

[dmaipa]

huh?

[BendtheBar]

Originally Posted by dmaipa

huh?

GL works today and is on overload.

[bamazav]

Originally Posted by glwanabe

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary..

So as an unpaid intern, I can wear shorts, a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops?

[glwanabe]

Originally Posted by bamazav

So as an unpaid intern, I can wear shorts, a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops?

If you are an intern then you are interested in working for the company.
As such, you should dress better than the person who's job you one day hope to have.

Also, this is mgmt's way of seeing what kind of clothes you own. The clothes you own are an indication of how much we think we should pay you. This is covered in the dress code under pay raises.

[glwanabe]

Originally Posted by dmaipa

huh?

Your confusion means your not paying attention. As such you are deemed a liability. Not understanding what has not been explained is not an excuse. You should show some initiative and know what you don't know before you are supposed to know it.

We hope this has been helpful, and has cleared up your confusion.