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Old 08-24-2012, 03:37 PM   #1
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Default How to Get Huge at Breakfast Time by Jason Pegg

Quote:
Tired of being small, weak, and not awesome? I bet you are! It just so happens that Iím here to help. Iím sure that all of you know that you need to eat big to get big right? Of course you do. Everyone knows that. That fact is almost as well known as the fact that box squatting makes you awful. You should also know that you need to eat breakfast every day.

MEAL 1

What you need:

Dozen eggs.
Loaf of bread. Bonus points for white bread.
8 CHOCOLATE Eggo waffles. The Chocolate is vital.
Jar of peanut butter.
Real maple syrup. No idea how much really. Just get a lot.
Shit ton of butter. This is also vital. None of that silly PAM spray.
Big ass pan.
Cookie cutter circles are best. No Christmas trees.
Gallon of WHOLE milk.
9 x 12 cake pan, or whatever size they are.
Small orange.
What to do:

You should be drinking the milk the entire time youíre cooking. Drink a bunch, but not so much as to make yourself sick. Fire up the stove and throw a bunch of butter into the pan. The more the better. Make sure to let it all melt. Try to get a half inch of butter in the bottom of the pan. Like a lake of awesome. Take the rocks glass and cut holes in the center of 12 pieces of bread. Throw as many of them in the pan as will fit. Crack the eggs and put the whole egg in the hole you cut in the bread. Let it sit until the eggs are cooked. Take them out and eat them while you wait on the rest to cook. Also, youíre going to take the waffles and throw them in the toaster. Cover BOTH sides with butter after theyíre done. Then cover the inside with peanut butter. How much is up to you, but with the waffles, each sandwich should be at least two inches thick minimum. Repeat this process for all eight waffles. Throw them in the cake pan, and pour the left over butter from the pan over the waffles. Cover the whole mess with syrup. You should also be washing them down with syrup left over, as well as the rest of the milk. Peel the orange. Eat it. Everyone knows that fruits and vegetables are vital to good health!

Nutrition Breakdown

Calories: A bunch. Got to have calories to grow though, right?

Protein: Lots. Donít want to get catabolic!

Carbs: Three pounds. Insulin is Anabolic!

Fat: Donít worry about fats. Thatís what your brain is made from!

Hopefully this gives you an idea what it takes to be big and strong, and by extension of those, awesome. Now you just have to get after it.


How to Get Huge at Breakfast Time
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Old 08-24-2012, 08:00 PM   #2
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Default

I nearly puked just reading this. I am sure it tastes good, but wow!
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Old 08-24-2012, 08:12 PM   #3
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haha Pegg is awesome
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Old 08-25-2012, 12:26 AM   #4
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haha Bit of an exaggeration, but sure.
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