Muscle and Brawn Forums
 

Go Back   Muscle and Brawn Forums > Training > General Fitness & Health
Mark Forums Read
Register Articles Members List Search Today's Posts

Notices

General Fitness & Health Discuss general fitness. conditioning and health topics.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 10-07-2011, 08:19 AM   #1
mystro
Junior Member
New Brawn
Points: 250, Level: 4 Points: 250, Level: 4 Points: 250, Level: 4
Activity: 1% Activity: 1% Activity: 1%
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Nassau Bahamas
Posts: 16
Training Exp: 12 7yr layoff
Training Type: 5x5
Fav Exercise: none
Fav Supp: syntha 6
Reputation: 60
mystro is off to a bad start
Default LOL

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.



________________________________




MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club mem bers. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
mystro is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Old 10-07-2011, 08:36 AM   #2
Off Road
Senior Member
Max Brawn
Points: 17,091, Level: 83 Points: 17,091, Level: 83 Points: 17,091, Level: 83
Activity: 1% Activity: 1% Activity: 1%
 
Off Road's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7,607
Reputation: 786994
Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!Off Road is one with Crom!
Default

That was too funny. Thanks for posting it, started my day with a big laugh.
Off Road is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2011, 08:46 AM   #3
Livingitup48
Member
Brawn
Points: 2,076, Level: 27 Points: 2,076, Level: 27 Points: 2,076, Level: 27
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
 
Livingitup48's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 78
Reputation: 285
Livingitup48 is off to a good startLivingitup48 is off to a good startLivingitup48 is off to a good start
Default

Quote:
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago
That sounds like half the women I know! Denial!!
Livingitup48 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2011, 09:01 AM   #4
Shadowschmadow
Totally Bitchin'
Max Brawn
Points: 2,307, Level: 29 Points: 2,307, Level: 29 Points: 2,307, Level: 29
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
 
Shadowschmadow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Soviet Maryland
Posts: 1,065
Training Exp: 8 years off and on
Training Type: SFW!
Fav Exercise: Bench Press
Reputation: 11624
Shadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributorShadowschmadow is a dedicated contributor
Default

Didn't LOL, but I did LIL.
__________________
The Greatest Respect You Can Earn is Self Respect.
Shadowschmadow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2011, 09:07 AM   #5
SeventySeven
Senior Member
Max Brawn
Points: 5,586, Level: 48 Points: 5,586, Level: 48 Points: 5,586, Level: 48
Activity: 3% Activity: 3% Activity: 3%
 
SeventySeven's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,186
Training Exp: 1 year+
Training Type: Powerbuilding
Fav Exercise: Deadlift
Fav Supp: Xtend
Reputation: 38396
SeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machineSeventySeven is a lifting machine
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingitup48 View Post
That sounds like half the women I know! Denial!!
I laughed the hardest at that
SeventySeven is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2011, 09:34 AM   #6
ElementalVirago
Resident Poop Doctor
Max Brawn
Points: 4,413, Level: 42 Points: 4,413, Level: 42 Points: 4,413, Level: 42
Activity: 2% Activity: 2% Activity: 2%
 
ElementalVirago's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 928
Fav Exercise: Deadlift
Fav Supp: Lard
Reputation: 41901
ElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machineElementalVirago is a lifting machine
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingitup48 View Post
That sounds like half the women I know! Denial!!
Hey, now.
__________________
"Somewhere, someone isn't impressed by your looks. Not all men jump through the hoops of your fire. You're unbelievably boring to more people than you'll ever know." --Henry Rollins

"If someone tells you something is easy and they can't explain how to do it, it's not easy." --Steve Shaw

ElementalVirago is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
lol


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:02 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.