Wendler on Looks, Women, and Hair
Some Perspective by Jim Wendler
Swing that goddamn axe.
This question/answer was taken from a Private Message on the Jim Wendler Training Forum.
Note: I got this private message about 2 weeks ago and have been mulling it over in my head for awhile. This is not something I get everyday and I was a bit surprised to get this. When you read this, have some empathy for the guy. If you have nothing good to say, don’t say a damn thing. – Jim Wendler
This is not really a question, it is more a try to get another perspective of my life and training. I just want to talk to somebody about it, that i dont know in real life. I am too ashamed to talk to friends about it. I am frustrated and depressed. I pretty much hate myself, and especially my body.
Let me start with my life:
In a huge part of my childhood i have been seriously overweight. At the age of 18 i lost about 45kg and then weighed around 85kg and 187cm tall. Now i am 25 years old, and weighing around 105kg. I have been working out since my weightloss but nevertheless i have been putting weight on again. Both muscle and fat. Though i have a tire around my waist, and disgusting manboobs.
My problem is not that i do not have a six pack and all that shit, it is more that i am ashamed of my body and i doesnt fit in anywhere. Ashamed of beeing naked in front of my girlfriend, too ashamed to go buy fine clothes for myself in the mainstream clothing shops and even too ashamed to go on a summer vacation with my family because i hate to be shirtless in front of other people.
My relation to my own body has a great negative impact on my life. And even on my girlfriends life too. Now she is so tired of my crap, that she ordered a 2 week vacation in Thailand in end august, and i have to go with her.
What i am more frustrated about, is that i work out 5-6 times per week, and i eat healthy the most of the time, so why do i have to be different in such a disgusting way? Why do i have man boobs. Why do i have a body that i am ashamed of? On top of that, i am totally weak. I am not stronger than the new guy in the gym, despite i worked out for 7 years. It’s so embarrasing that i sometimes lose my motivation to work out.
What do you think? Do you think i am a pussy complaining about it? I want you to be honest.
My weight training is based on the greyskull template:
Day 1: Squat 3×5
Chinups 3x?? (As many as i can. Using an elastic)
I combined the principles of Boring But Big into it, so i do 5×10 squats after the 3×5 and so on. And vice versa. Hope you get the picture. The days between the weightlifting i do stuff with the prowler and airdyne.
I have a mission: To be ready for the vacation to Thailand august this year. Criteria to be ready for that vacation: I want to get rid of my manboobs and be stronger than i am now. Maybe it is easier to outline my point by sending you a picture of myself, but i am too ashamed. Do you think i can get in great shape (meaning reducing the belly fat, get rid of my manboobs and be stronger) in just 5 ½ months?
I know this mail can be hard to answer, but i had to get it out of my system. I hope you understand what i am saying, english is not my primary language.
From a mental perspective, this is a huge weight to have on your back for such a long period of time. Obviously your body issues are fucking up your entire life; probably more than I can imagine or maybe even more than you realize (but I doubt that). The first thing I thought of when I read this wasn’t “poor dude has some issues”. Nope. The first thing I thought was “the guy has a girlfriend!” So however you look is not that big of a deal for her. And think about it like this – it’s your attitude and outlook which is going to fuck up the relationship, NOT your body.
There is nothing more tiring and unattractive than dating someone that is obsessed with their bodies. If they are overweight, all you do is constantly have to tell them “no, no, no! You look amazing!” and have to endure day after day of them bitching and moaning about diet and how they look in clothes. It CONSUMES them. Ever talk to someone that is all about diet? That’s all the fucking talk about. No matter who they are, all they can talk about is food. I swear these people have the worst eating disorder because it is hidden with “good intentions”. Society and the fitness industry put these people on a pedestal.
Now people who are obsessed the other way – fitness freaks who have a breakdown out when they gain .4 pounds of water weight; that’s just as bad. Like the other side of the spectrum, they obsess and talk about their workouts and their diets and spend a million years in the gym. And again, they measure their self worth through their looks.
Now let’s be honest – we all want to look good. Both for ourselves and the opposite sex. But let’s put some of this shit in perspective:
Because of this, you have to make a huge effort to remain positive. This can be done any number of ways but here are some examples:
I can say (and I’m sure this is going to piss people off) that you need to get your testosterone levels checked and make a point to get that taken care of. If you are truly training hard and your diet isn’t awful and you aren’t making progress, there is a good chance that you need to get some blood work done. You MUST be pro-active in this.
Are you going to get rid of your manboobs in 5 months? Probably not. You are going to have to mentally get over that and accept that. But you can get stronger. That is not up for debate. When the vacation comes and you are still embarrassed to have your shirt off in front of others, that’s fine. Keep it on as there is no need to feel like crap. But in front of your woman, who loves you? Dude, embrace it. Nothing is worse than being with someone you love and won’t get naked in front of you, with the lights on. She made the decision to love you and be with you – no woman likes a coward. At least not a woman I would enjoy being around.
My final thoughts are these: quit feeling sorry for yourself because it incredibly unattractive. Start training with a real purpose. Embrace the Viking in you.
Check out this website - Badass. Read some of these entries and realize that none of these guys made excuses. They did shit with their lives. Overcame great odds. And then see how many of these guys are considered “badasses” because of their bodies.
i have to totaly agree with mr wendler.
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