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Shadowschmadow 02-16-2012 08:50 AM

Serious Question
 
We recently found out that my grandmother has developed uterine cancer and it has progressed past stage 1. She is rather obese and developed diabetes a long time ago, which she seems to do nothing about. With all that being said, no one in our family really knows where this is going to go.

Long story short, I've heard from my sister and my mother that my grandmother has always been disappointed (saddened) at the fact that no one has named their daughter after her. My sister didn't get her name as a first, or even a middle name. And when my sister had her two daughters, she didn't give them her name either.

I suppose I believe that its important to pass down names, in order to honor our family. I would like to have daughters named after my mother and my wife's mother, as they have been given the names of their grandmothers, and so has my wife.

I don't have any kids yet, but we do plan to have some in the coming years. If we have a daughter, I would like to honor my grandmother by passing on her name, either as a first name or middle name. And what I debate is whether or not I should tell her that I intend to do so, as I am very optimistic as to whether or not she will live to see the day that I do have a daughter, if I even have a daughter at all.

I've witnessed a lot of death during my short period of time on earth. A lot of things have gone unsaid to those that I lost, and I hold a lot of regrets about the relationships I had with those people. And for that reason, I feel like I would like her to know that even if she isn't around to see the day that she has a great granddaughter named after her, that her name will indeed be passed down. However, I also don't want to upset her with unsaid implications that she may not survive this situation.

Thoughts? I am torn between the two and I don't know how much time I have to make a decision. In terms of carrying on traditions; I am the only surviving male with my last name, so I have a lot of responsibilities. I believe I would like to my grandmother proud, but at the same time not stress her out by silently implying that she may never live to see the day.

BendtheBar 02-16-2012 09:08 AM

Quote:

I don't have any kids yet, but we do plan to have some in the coming years. If we have a daughter, I would like to honor my grandmother by passing on her name, either as a first name or middle name. And what I debate is whether or not I should tell her that I intend to do so
No regrets. I would tell her.

My grandmother passed a few years back and grew up in a family where she never heard "I love you." I was lucky enough to be able to tell her that before she died. It's one of the highlights of my life. Her own father never told her that.

We also named my daughter after her:

Kori Grace Kathryn Shaw

Fazc 02-16-2012 09:22 AM

I think it's a lovely gesture no matter what. :)

5kgLifter 02-16-2012 09:58 AM

People that have cancer and other terminal conditions generally accept the fact of not living a lot easier than the people around them do, they don't kid themselves over the possibilities of recovery, even if they do actually have a stab at recovery; so, in a sense she will be much more in tune with that probablilty than you may think, meaning you shouldn't focus on that point as she more than likely already has done.

I'd tell her.

Shadowschmadow 02-16-2012 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BendtheBar (Post 217183)
No regrets. I would tell her.

My grandmother passed a few years back and grew up in a family where she never heard "I love you." I was lucky enough to be able to tell her that before she died. It's one of the highlights of my life. Her own father never told her that.

We also named my daughter after her:

Kori Grace Kathryn Shaw

Regrets are a motherf*cker that will eat you alive. I know first hand, as my father's death still haunts me everyday.

You can never tell someone you love them enough times. I suppose I should make sure I do that as well, considering I cannot remember the last time I said that to her.

Shadowschmadow 02-16-2012 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fazc (Post 217187)
I think it's a lovely gesture no matter what. :)

Thanks Faz.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5kgLifter (Post 217201)
People that have cancer and other terminal conditions generally accept the fact of not living a lot easier than the people around them do, they don't kid themselves over the possibilities of recovery, even if they do actually have a stab at recovery; so, in a sense she will be much more in tune with that probablilty than you may think, meaning you shouldn't focus on that point as she more than likely already has done.

I'd tell her.

Thanks Babs.

Kuytrider 02-16-2012 10:34 AM

Definitely do it mate. She will be so happy when you tell her. And fair play to you for thinking of her :)

Hazzard 02-16-2012 05:51 PM

Yeah, definitely tell her. :)


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