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Old 11-28-2011, 10:25 PM   #1
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Default An Open Ltter To All My Brother's & Sister's

Tonight I want to share with all of you a little bit of my history and why I lift.

Both my parents became raging alcoholics after I was born. My father, who died in 2005, never recognized me as his son. He accused my mom of cheating when I was conceived. in 2000, he even refused to recognize a DNA test result proving he was my dad.The mental abuse that followed me throughout my childhood and adulthood has never been dealt with, until now. This is why I am seeing a psychologist now. It is time for me to find a way to forgive him and thus begin the healing process.

When I was in my early 20’s, I began my lifting career. I now realize I turned to lifting as a way of dealing with this issue. I never did want to talk about it, until now that is. The iron was always honest with me. This is a big part of my treatment, to be able to talk about it. For this reason, I am sharing my story with all of you. I also wanted to get into shape to boost my self-confidence and self esteem. In my late 20’s, I finally met my wife, Licia. As you may may know, we met at the gym, and you guessed it, I asked her out while I was squatting.

The bond I have with lifting will never be severed. I am so emotional about my lifting for these reasons.

Recently, I have also been having many stress related problems at work. I have been micromanaged to death. I have now associated the mental abuse there with my father, according to the psychologist. I was really close to a complete meltdown. The only thing that has kept me going is my lifting and all my lifting brothers, who have shown time and time again how much they care about the one thing, besides my family, that means the most to me. I couldn’t find the will to quit my job, as I have too much debt, a family to support, and a severe lack of self-confidence. Back to the good old days in many ways. I feel this has spilled over into my lifting in some ways as I am never confident I can lift a heavy weight, despite being capable of doing it.

This past weekend, I had an opportunity to have a great visit with my uncle regarding this issue. He was unaware of the mental abuse and the fact dad did not recognize me as his son. He is not only going to help me, but my whole family. He is going to pay for any job retraining I desire, and if necessary, support my family if I need to leave my job suddenly. He also is going to pay for my 13 y/o daughters’ post secondary education – any career she wants. He is also going to pay for my psychologist visits for as long as it takes for me to get better. He is also going to pay off all of my debts. He is basically giving me a new lease on life and a fresh stress-free start. He is really one of the most generous people on the planet. He has donated millions of dollars over the years to many charities and the University of Calgary.

My uncle cares. All of you care. My family cares. This is going to give me the tools to heal. All my brothers have given me the strength to not only lift, but to finally seek some peace in my life.
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Old 11-28-2011, 10:57 PM   #2
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We care and good luck.
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Old 11-28-2011, 10:59 PM   #3
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Squatter, hang in there brother! Sounds like things are looking up. Sometimes life deals you a crap hand, but if you keep at it and dont let it get you down, you end up holding Aces keep training hard and know that in a little town far away, you have a brother in iron who will be praying for you... keep squatting!
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Old 11-28-2011, 11:30 PM   #4
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We care for you a great deal Jim. I'm glad you were able to share this with us, and we will always be there for you, solid as the iron. You've been an inspiration to me over the past couple years on another board, and I'm very happy that you're still at it. I'm glad that lifting has given you an outlet, and a constructive one, and am very happy that your family is able to help with finances. Good luck brother, build strength upon strength, grow strong as iron.
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Old 11-28-2011, 11:40 PM   #5
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I wish I had some profound words to say to you right now, but unfortunately, I don't.
I can say that while my history and situations are not the same as yours, I too have a troubled past with my father and skeletons in my closet.
And like you, lifting weights helped save me from self destruction. I guess my point is here, I can relate and I'm sure many others can.
You should be proud of yourself and the fact that you are productive member of society, in spite of your personal adversities.
As far as your lifting, you are one of the real ones. When you give advice or post on the forums, it is clear you are the real deal. It is obvious you are not an e-lifter or a phony.
A lot of people learn from you and your training.
Keep up the good work!
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:17 AM   #6
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Jim, from what I can only gather from this forum, you have a loving wife and daughter. A family that still is and always will be by your side. Past aside, there is no prouder circumstance than that. Your a good guy, and while only through the internet, its been nothing but a pleasure meeting you.

For those of us addicted to the iron, it is the one thing in life that we control.

I wish you the best in moving forward. Keep kicking ass.
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Old 11-29-2011, 04:56 AM   #7
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Stay strong Jim and grasp the opportunity with both hands.

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Old 11-29-2011, 08:55 AM   #8
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Its good that you're seeking help for something you realize you cannot resolve yourself. It takes a big man to do this, and you should be proud of that. As you can see, you'll always have the support here to fall back on - the best quality of MAB.

Do what you can to improve the quality of your life with you uncle's help, and try not to take his kindness for granted. Put in full effort with everything you do, always do what your heart tells you is right, and you'll be okay.
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Old 11-29-2011, 09:43 AM   #9
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Jim,
I am floored by your openness and honesty here.

In my early 30s, I finally went to see a psychologist about many of lingering issues of parental upbringing (or not) and the like. It wasn't easy as there is a huge stigma attached to it, and men as "supposed to just suck it up and keep moving." After a few false starts, I settled in for about a year of sessions.

I am here to tell you that therapy saved my life. I completely learned to love myself in a way that I couldn't before because I felt so unwanted by my parents to a large degree. I finally became a happy person for the first time in my life at over 30 and, as a result, am a FAR better dad to my kids and friend and relative than I could have ever been otherwise.

Good luck to you and bravo for taking those first, most difficult steps.
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Old 11-29-2011, 09:16 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squatter View Post

My uncle cares. All of you care. My family cares. This is going to give me the tools to heal. All my brothers have given me the strength to not only lift, but to finally seek some peace in my life.
That is a great story Jim. The power of giving and unselfishness can never be understated.

I just want to encourage you to keep fighting the good fight. I grew up in a home with a violent alcoholic, and around a family of addicts. I know all too well what extreme dysfunction means. It's hard to escape that bondage. It took me a long time, but some of it still lingers.

The actions of my father and your father were selfish actions. The action of your uncle is an unselfish action. These extremes really shine a light on how important decisions can be. It is so hard to give up things for ourselves so that others can be happy.

You do that Jim every day, for the forums (by answering questions), and to your wife and daughter. I am always glad to see someone not repeating the cycle. Stay strong and do you best to not let the actions of others chain down your life. It's easier said than done.
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