Thread: Squat poems
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Old 05-20-2010, 05:26 PM   #1
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Smile Squat poems

Found these googling around =)


Down this road, in a gym far away,
a young man was heard to say,
"no matter what i do, my legs won't grow"
he tried leg extensions, leg curls, and leg presses , too
trying to cheat, these sissy workouts he'd do.

from the corner of the gym where the big men train,
through a cloud of chalk and the midst of pain
where the noise is made with big forty fives,
a deep voice bellowed as he wrapped his knees.
a very big man with legs like trees.

laughing as he snatched another plate from the stack
chalking his hands and monstrous back,
said, "boy, stop lying and don't say you've forgotten,
the trouble with you is you ain't been SQUATTIN'. "


The young man looked fit, thick through the chest. Bulging biceps and triceps. Washboard abs and the rest.
He strode a bit closer. To my shock and surprise!
I saw his torso supported, by two spindly thighs!
He walked with confidence and no apprehensions,
as he performed his first set of leg extensions!
I watched this debacle, watched his face turn askew.
Watched him scream in mock agony, 'til his set was all through.
T'was then I approached him and extended my hand.
"I don't mean to disrupt you, but excuse me, young man!
I was admiring your work. Man, that set was nice!
But I wonder if I might offer some helpful advice?"
He spoke not a word. Simply nodded his head.
I could read his expression. He wished I were dead.
"Get off this contraption! You're wasting your time!
Go to the squat rack! You can see....there's NO line!
You don't need machines! You don't need to look far!
Just load on the weight and get under the bar!
Unrack that sucker! Squat ass to the floor!
Grab some big plates, and load on some more!
Hear the iron rattle as you pound out each rep!
But please, my friend! YOU must take the first step!
Come with me now! To the squat rack we'll go!
Together we'll get those tiny pegs to grow!"
He studied me hard. He seemed in a haze.
No words came! He stood in a daze!
'Say SOMETHING, son! Speak to me, PLEASE!'
'I can't do it!', he screamed! 'I have bad knees!'

The Mighty Squat
By Joe Skopec

We've come to squat so run and hide
You bicep freaks must step aside

Just take your sissy selves elsewhere
You'll turn your heads but still you'll stare

Go right ahead and pay attention
Glimpse into this strange dimension

Yeah you're still weak and never grow
This world of pain you'll never know

Your shouts upon the leg-press, phony!
Noodle legs like macaroni

Some day I hope you'll understand
And wrench free from the poser band

Puny curl bars, leave this spot
The rack named for the mighty SQUAT

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