Ok, here's a thought. Squat every day. Bench and deadlift every other day, 4 days bench, 3 days pulling. Of course it would take a while to work up to any appreciable weight.
Or run a continuous 3 day cycle of squat/bench/deads/squat/bench/deads/squat/bench/deads/squat/bench/deads. Ok breathe. I'm overthinking things.
If violence doesnt solve your problems, youre not using enough of it