Thanks. Interesting replies. I think some may have the given the wrong impression as I tend to exagerate when I write. I am not scared in the sense of run away scared, or that I don't really think I can do the lift, or anything like that, more dread of the beating I am about to take. Also, it's not pain as in actual pain, more like soul crushing type pain or that the effort takes so much out of you. Mental anguish type of thing.
I was also more wondering if it ever gets any easier mentally when you are getting ready to push it to the limit. I had never squatted in my life until 2.5 years ago, but I kind of thought after a certain point, it would get easier, and I don't know why I don't have that problem when pushing other lifts. However, I do totally agree with LtL's explanation on that. Makes total sense to me.
Of course, another way to look at it is my max keeps rising, so what was soul crushing two months ago isn't any more! Haha.
But it really is that holy shit moment when you feel every ounce of that weight where I do start to have little nagging doubts, even if I have done the weight before. I don't know why that is. And JB is right, obviously I need to fix that attitude. I go through phases where I feel like I am domminating squats, but then that feeling disappears sometimes too. I don't know why. I am certain misses are directly tied to my mentality. But I am having trouble fixing that obviously.
I do think one thing I need to do is pay more attention to how I am actually feeling on the day and not push it when I am having a bad day. But then again, it's a fine line to where I might just wimp out rather than push it. I do amaze myself sometimes when I do push it and it goes up though. You'd think that would give me more confidence, and it does, but sometimes that goes out the window when that weight starts digging in!
Also, I would never give up on squats, at least not anytime soon because another point I was trying to make is that doing them and succeeding on that big effort is wrapped up in how I feel about how strong I am. When I think I am strong is right after I hit a big one or repped out something big. The first thing that pops in my head when I think about being really strong is standing up with a big squat, not a big bench or a big deadlift, an image of a big squat.
I get excited to hit a big bench or deadlift too, but not the same way. More like I know I had my form right on the lift and hitting a big one is then automatic and I raised my max. Hitting a big squat makes me feel like I conquered something!
Anyway, enough rambling. Was just wondering how other people feel about squats, and I guess if I am feeling similar to Al and BtB, I must be on the right track!