These are my immediate thoughts on the names of some of these trends (I've omitted the legitimate sounding ones, ala "spinning"). Just shooting from the hip based on the name only:
Fitbit Ultra - an electronic device that you put in your mouth that decides what you can and cannot eat.
Beaming - very expensive treatment where Star Trek-like transporters just teleport the fat off of you.
Funk The Buddha-some sort of nude pilates/yoga. I can't be the only one that got that impression.
Nostalgia Workouts - Group therapy where everyone talks about the times they used to work out and how huge/awesome they were.
Padel Tennis - basically ping pong against an Indian (dot not feather)
Freestyle Fitness - a cool sounding name for parkour.
Health Concierge Companies - you pay someone to strap themselves to your body and workout for you. You get some of the benefit while putting forth very little effort.