My motivation comes within. I am not out to prove anything to anybody or any person,
other than to myself, and the love and absolute devotion to my wife of 27 years who is sick with several diseases which will more than likely take her life before mine, and the love promise I made
My love is hungry, and the iron is the only path.
“My self esteem was embarrassed by my parents”
During my childhood my mother words reached in and pulled out the heart and soul behind my self-esteem and self-image and stomped it; I began adulthood with a broken spirit and a ball and chain that tarnished my self esteem:
I came into this world with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and my face blue from lack of oxygen; I was an innocent newborn child dependent upon the outside world for my survival. I had no choice in whom my parents happened to be. I had no control on the type of environment I was brought. I had no choice but to absorb the feedback from my parents, other people, and my environment.
I was innocent and untainted. But, my upbringing tainted the untainted soul.
From the most distant memory of 5 to the age of 18, I was mentally and physically abused as a child. None of these memories have faded with time.
The concept of believing in myself “was” totally foreign to me as a child and including my teen years. My mother destroyed me; she shriveled me up like a prune; shrunk me down to a tiny ant that could be mentally killed with a quick flick of a few words; “My self esteem was embarrassed by my parents”.
Believe me when I tell you, I know much pain in my life and I turned it around. My childhood explains WHY I am the way I am. My mother took the zest for life out of me, and I had to find it. I felt worthless and ashamed of myself at 18 entering a world that would eat you alive while gnashing its teeth laughing.
With this in mind:
My body is not going to embarrass the love and dedication I have for my wife in the Physically capability to care for her when she is not able to:
"When the night comes, I will pick up the pieces."
This statement is imbedded in my heart every day. The reason I began my quest for health and fitness is a long story, but it begins with a warning from my body and ends with the love for my wife.
About 6-7 years ago, my wife was diagnosed with Lupus, and also has a bone condition called: Fiber Dysplacia of the front left facial bone (has had this all her life), she can carry an extra 15 pounds of water in her legs, get skin rashes, swelling of various tissues, bone pain, muscle aches and pains, severe migraines, severe sweating, to name only a few.
She has had several operations on her face where they literally shaved her front cheek bone and sinus area that continually gets blocked from the bone growth. She had one about 6-8 months ago, and this one was rather serious and needed to be done or she faced certain death due to the placement of the bone growth. (brief synopsis)
She never complains, and is not ashamed of herself, always puts herself last and her family first. She is always persistent: She is my idol.
Doctors say she won’t live past the age of 60. I say she will because of her heart. Whatever happens, when the night comes, I will pick up the pieces.
If you ever wondered what drives me, it’s my wife. I keep myself physically conditioned to be able one day to:
cloth her, bath her, feed her, and put her to bed. I love her: She is my idol.
When the night comes, I will pick up the pieces.
I must be prepared so I must keep my aging body fit for the task and not let her down, and embarrass my love for her.
What she lacks in beauty she makes up with her heart and soul: I love her.
I have cried and I have bled in the gym. I know the journey.
However, there is nothing I can’t bare when I look at her, that she hasn’t felt.
She is the one that boils in my heart of desire. I would do anything for her.
This one of the reasons I am who I am and act the way I do. I know I can make her life as happy with her medical condition, and want to set out to do similar things for other people. I know it can be done because I see it every day.
I see everyday what having a determined heart and soul can do to a person.
With all of her medical problems, the fire burns within. She leaves no doubt that we have it in all of us to spark the fire and overcome anything in our path of life.
So I Chill mentally in this respect, thus my screen name.
She is proof that it "can be" all in the head.
She is an inspiring person to live with.