I AM NOT a nutritionist either, but I have always worked on the assumption that you want an empty stomach (not fasted) but nothing actually in the gut while training as more blood will be directed away from the muscles to the gut to aid in digestion, so eating about 2-3 hours before works best for me.
On the point of having to have something the minute you finish your workout goes i think that is over egged a little by the sup companies. If you have a good amount of protein (and good quality protein at that) in your system from your diet then your amino acid levels should be OK for the workout. post workout, get you shake in within about 30 mins or so and then a good meal (carbs/protein/fats) about an hour to two hours after that.
As far as eating when not training the only difference to my diet really is that I dont have the PWO shake (obviously) and thats about it. i workout first thing in the morning, so i dont have time for food before hand and I literally cant train if I eat before hand (so within 30-45 mins before). I therefore sip some BCAA's and/or whey whilst training then have a good shake afterwards, then about an hour after than i have breakfast as normal and start my meals for the day from there.
Its logical to have more calories on training days as you expend more, but then you grow on the non training days too so IMO the calories are just as important then... just my 2p worth