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joe weider

6 Ways To Fail At Weight Training

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Hi friends and neighbors! It’s time once again for me to shit in your bowl of Corn Flakes!

Now listen, I’m not trying to be mean. I’m not trying to be a booger head or a bully. I just want to see you get ed-u-ma-cated. And sometimes education involves de-programming – as in forgetting all that stupid ass Weider Principle bullshit.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Big ass Bodybuilder X backs Weider. So what. You would to if Weider handed you a big fat fucking check. So sit down and shut up and listen. Here are 6 ways to fail at weight training.

Fail – Practice Muscle Confusion

Want to REALLY fail at weight lifting? Practice – wait for it – muscle confusion! Oooooh, yes! Let’s confuse your muscles by swapping out bench presses for flyes! Or maybe we can confuse your muscles by switching from a 5×5 protocol to a 3×8. That will really fucking confuse your muscles.

Now I’m not downplaying the need for occasional training readjustments. You have to experiment to see what works best for you, and that can change over time. What I am poking fun at here are the fuck sticks who really believe that gains will cease unless they completely revamp every last routine detail every 4.427 weeks.

This just in! Want to really confuse your muscles? Lift heavier weight each week. That will REALLY confuse your muscles! Want to REALLY confuse your muscles? Squat and deadlift.

flyes-epic-fail

Fail – Use Isolation Exercises

Listen Chumley. Isolation exercises are the work of the Devil. Do you really think they are shaping your bicep peaks? Hell to the fucking no! Do you really think incline flyes are carving deep striations into your upper pecs?

This is complete and utter bullcrap. End of fracking story.

No isolation exercise will ever – EVER – outshine the excellence and efficiency of a compound HEAVY ASS lift. Come on…25 pound laterals? Really?

Fail – Changing Routines Every 8 Weeks

This is another mountainous pile of horse poo poo.

Sweet Mother of God! I used the same damn training program for nearly 20 years. That’s two decades for you nut sacks keeping score at home. Do you think for one hot damn second that my muscles grew accustomed to heavy ass squats? Deadlifts? Bench?

Um, no.

What exactly are you planning on changing after 8 weeks? Maybe switching to double drop set, 90 second TUT giant sets with rest paused monkey fluooey horse blather? Good luck with that.

squat-1Fail – Performing “Intensity” Work With A 500 Pound 3-Lift Total

If you don’t know what a 3 lift total is then I can’t help you. Move along Opie.

I love you, and this is a fucking intervention. Seriously, 8 second negatives aren’t going to do anything but explode your left nut if you can’t bench over 100 pounds.

Heavy Duty? With a 185 pound squat? But I’m pushing for intensity, not weight! ROFL and double ROFL.

If your squat max is 185 and you’ve read multiple Mike Mentzer books, you need to be locked up with some real men and given several bars of soap.

Fail – Don’t Squat

You don’t squat for what reason? Um, sure. I smell BS.

Fail – Don’t Deadlift

You don’t deadlift for what reason? Um, sure. I smell BS.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You probably have a handicap sticker in your window, and fight 80 year old ladies for the prime Handy spot at Wal-mart. Serious, drop the “bad clicking knees” blather and the “spotty back” nonsense. Deadlift and squats will grow ball hair. And the ladies love ball hair.

16 comments

  1. I’ve always found leg extensions great for building massive quads. And high rep lateral flys really blast my delts. Usually with the pink weights to ensure that I’m using proper form as I train to absolute failure.

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  2. Damn… this was FUN to read!

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  3. Rock,

    Your info is correct, but there’s one great exercise you forgot to mention: It’s the one where you lift a very heavy block of soap and cram it into your mouth and scrub for two hours.

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  4. what is the e-mail address of this author?

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  5. @ Brett…great comment.

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  6. I’ve always found the best way to get past a sticking point is to actually train hard. I’ve always been a big fan of doing 10 hard heavy sets for one different exercise each week. That’s a good shock to the system if you’ve only ever been doing 4 sets per exercise. I know it’s not always easy to just “up the weight” continuously without hitting a plateau in your training once in a while, but performing 10 hard sets during a particular exercise for a lagging body part or alternating this kind of training overy training session for a different body part certinaly does help. It just sucks when your lazy gym partner can’t keep up or doesn’t want to do it that day for various BS reasons.

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  7. Anybody who starts off an article with “Hi friends and neighbors! It’s time once again for me to shit in your bowl of Corn Flakes!” INSTANTLY has my respect.

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  8. Great post. I was one of the guilty ones thinking about this muscle confusion crap and really didn’t understand the benefit. After reading your post, I’m sticking with my routine that has worked for the past 8 months.

    Squats and Deadlifts are my favs. They beat the hell out of my body every week!

    Thanks!

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  9. Hi Brett,

    If you are bodybuilding, leg presses or machine hack squats are my 2 picks. I know that some guys do reverse hack squats but I’ve never tried them.

    You could check the forum and see if anyone has some other suggestions.

    http://muscleandbrawn.com/forums/

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  10. Rock,

    I agree with you 100% on the squats, and I used to love them, however, I fractured 3 vertebrae playing football (and was nearly paralyzed) a little while back and squats are unfortunately forbidden now. Is there an exercise you recommend that can (attempt to) take its place in the gym but that doesn’t require massive weight being put directly on/supported by the spine?

    Leg presses are an option, but not certain if there is anything better.

    Thanks!

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  11. Finally someone post something against Weider´s principles, I can´t believe most people don´t know how hard and glorious is the squat and the deadlift, those are the bests exercises to gain strenght and muscle, nice post man.

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  12. thanx

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  13. I squattin’ man loves a squattin’ woman. That’s all I can say.

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  14. Hey, Rock. Great article. I was really feelin’ the love.

    Say, I do have a question about the squats growing ball hair. As a woman, I, too, have started to grow some ball hair after I decided to take steps to increase my squat max. So my question is this…would men appreciate my ball hair as much as you claim the ladies love it on men? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sayin’ I’ll quit squatting even if I find out that for some strange reason my hairy nutsack is an epic turnoff for guys. I just want to know before I disrobe in front of one so I can anticipate the reaction.

    Thanks!

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