4 Ways to Get Freaking Huge

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Time To Get Swole

Man, do I have some magical, mystical, muscle building advice for you today. But I know – you’re extremely skeptical. You’re waiting for the bullcrap; to be let down by some cool sounding training system with overly complicated mumbo jumbo, and exercises that suck.

Sorry, no fail for you today.

I don’t hand out fail. I’m not pushing an agenda. You want to get big fast, then do the following.

1 – Stay with a Simple Routine

Listen, you have been searching for the ultimate routine for years. In fact, you spend more time reading about routines then performing routines. And each week you switch routines. I’ve found it, this week I’m making the change to blah, blah, blah and will grow!

Fail!

Enough with this foolishness. I’m about to carpet bomb your fantasies, so you have been warned. Brace yourself. Here goes…it doesn’t matter what routine you use. Yes, you heard me right. Doggcrapp, Max Stim, Dogg Stim, Max Crapp…whatever. Just pick something and stick with it. And make sure the routine isn’t complicated. You don’t need complicated.

A simple routine focuses on progression of weight using basic heavy compound lifts including:

  • Squats
  • Deadlifts
  • Bench Press
  • A form of the Overhead Press

E. T. C.

If you find that your routine has you doing giant sets, drop sets, or focusing on the dreaded mind-muscle connection, run like the wind. And worse yet, if it contains too many isolation movements…well…FAIL. You don’t need training techniques or isolation movements, you need to:

2 – Lift Heavy Ass Weights

Lift heavy ass weight. Heavy ass weight makes muscles grow. Heavy ass weight can be in any rep range, because it is heavy ass weight and is kicking your balls seven ways to Sunday.

What rep range should I use? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

What should my rep speed be? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

Should I do cable crossovers before or after flyes, and should incline bench be performed with a 22 degree angle, or a 24 degree angle? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

What split is the most effective for mass? FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

GO LIFT HEAVY ASS WEIGHTS!

But I don’t want to lift heavy! So and so says that squats are bad for your knees, and my mom is afraid and wants me to take up knitting.

Both so and so, and your mom (no offense to moms) can barely lift a roll of toilet paper to wipe their own asses. If you want to look like your mom, listen to the training advice of your mom. If you want to pack on muscle, lift heavy ass weight!

The end!

3 – Stop Bitching and Get Your Ass to the Gym!

I’m tired.

My toe hurts.

My right nut seems small today, maybe I shouldn’t train.

Want to know how to fail? I mean epic fail? Continue to make excuses, and avoid going to the gym. Want to know how to succeed? Gird up your balls, shut the hell up, and get your ass to the gym, 52 weeks a year. The end.

This isn’t complicated.

Of course your left nut hurts! You’re lifting weights. Lifting heavy ass weights will hurt from time to time. Pain is part of the equation. We aren’t collecting bottle caps here, Charles.

4 – Forget Your Damned Abs and Eat!

I want a six pack!

Bud, if you think you can pack on muscle and carve out a six pack in the same month, you need to lay off the crack pipe.

This just in…if you want muscle, you need to eat big. If you want to be a 220 mass monster, but only weigh 120, you need to start eating like you weigh 220 pounds.

How long should I bulk before I cut? FAIL! Eat until people at the gym start asking you where you get your steroids from. Then, and only then can you start cutting.

Should my bulk be dirty or clean? FAIL! Grab a shovel and get to gettin’.

Whole milk has fat! Almonds have fat! I can’t eat fat! FAIL! Listen, drinking whole milk and lifting heavy ass weights equals muscle mass.

Final Thoughts

  1. Lift heavy ass weight using heavy ass compound lifts.
  2. Eat big.
  3. Never miss a workout.
  4. Stick with a basic routine.

Follow these 4 rules for two years and you will dramatically change your body. The end.

Enjoy this article? Please read: The Magic Muscle Building Secrets.

4 Ways to Get Freaking Huge, 4.0 out of 5 based on 73 ratings

215 Comments. Leave new

Haggis Hunter
July 19, 2015 3:10 am

Lmao… This is the funniest post on bulkin i.ve came across. Wit a laff… A jump intae Loch Lomond after a big ass bowl a pasta, sook up as much minerals as a can n boom, here comes the hulk, few hunner meter sprints catchin haggis n feast away. No gym needed, visit Scotland now n c some fast results.

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Full fat milk does actually make you gain less fat as the body doesn’t process it so it surrounds othe fats and passes straight through.

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I am already big I gain weight easy I am 6′ 1″ and weigh a sold 264 I am on high protein diet and when I go to the gym I pyramid my weigh till failure it works for me as long as you have failure in every set you will grow! Pre workout shake and after workout shake with BCAA acids is a must that’s the building blocks for your body rebuilding its self !

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Jeff monzaro
March 4, 2015 4:51 pm

Greatest fucking article ever !!!!

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100% truth… And the truth usually is. I do think that the advice was the Cut The Shit basics and at the very heart of it all. I don’t count reps… I lift until I cant lift anymore. I always do the fundamental movements, nothing to fucking fancy. Personally, I’m losing weight so I ease up on the carbs and over all intake… But if you’re a little guy… EAT EVERYTHING. I am and was a Kung Fu instructor, so there’s a monster under the hood…. Hood meaning fat. In about a year or two… It’ll be very obvious were IT’S been.

Good luck guys! (6′ 265lbs – on my way to 235lbs)

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Bunch of pussies. Quit picking the article apart. It works you little fuckboys. Lift big. No pain no gain.

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This article is awesome. Whenever I feel demotivated I just visit this page. It warms me up and makes me remember “Iron is my drug” Thanks a lot :)

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Your not gonna gain weight in one week. It takes lots of time and affort. If you wanna gain weight stop being a cheap ass and buy some mass gainer at gnc. I gained 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks. And i have had the hardest time to gain weight. Ive been working out everyother day. I stopped being a pussy got off my ass and did what ive been wanting i was dumb enough to think it would just happen but money time affort and very hard work will get you what you really want. Simple prosses eat as much as possible and when you work out do it till you are to the point that you cant move. Creatine is one of the best to take theres been so many great studies of how much it helps. If you hear its bad it a lie, but only take it if you are.
Gonna work out. Dont be stupid and work out with more then Your body can handle you will end up hurting urself u want to work out and use more weights everytime You work out.

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Im starting to see results after 2 months eat big get big

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This is a fucking awesome article. Push heavy metal and eat big, no fucking room for pussy ass light weights.

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This is the worst advice i’ve ever read. Ever.

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Mick Madden
July 6, 2014 3:05 pm

Said the 132 pound twig.

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so he’s saying lift every day 52weeks a year no recovery time ?

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No he’s not. 52 weeks a year, means have off days not weeks.

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He said in the article train 3-4 times a week 52 weeks a year

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WhiteBuffalo
June 2, 2014 5:23 am

This is such a cool article. Simple and to the point…I love it. I feel motivated to go the the the gym right now…except it’s 20h30 here. So I’ll work on the eating and sleeping and hit the weights tomorrow.

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20h30 – Not an excuse. FAIL!!!

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LIFT HEAVY ASS WEIGHTS!!!!

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LIFT HEAVY ASS WEIGHTS!!!

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This got me to 1200 pound total in just 4 months training. Great. I didnt gain a ounce though so i guess the eat big was not big enough haha

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Short, precise and right to the damn point. Fuck every negaive comment on here. Theres always some smart ass who thinks they know more, and has the planet in the palm of his hand. 99.9 of the article accurate. Yes,you can add some more compound movements, but basically, these are the main lifts. Bicep curls, flyes and leg extensions aint shit compared to this. This is good advice. Stop trying to over complicate your fucking life, and stick to something simple that works. When youre at 225, and look solid, then you can think outside the box a bit. Eat a lot, lift heavy, and sleep a lot. Dont skip working out to hang out with your dick head friends.

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B/S the secret to getting HUGE is tons of carbs, little protein diet – eat every 30 minutes with mouse sized meals to “stoke” the metabolic furnace.

Then stick to “toning” exercises like burpees, bosu ball squats and 1/4 squats with light weights.

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Fail. Protein is essential for building muscle. Light weights are used for cutting, not bulking. Please, tell me how your “stoking” of the metabolism gets you big?

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anon96 is a tard
June 25, 2014 11:54 pm

he is obviously being sarcastic you dumb cunt

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wtf are you on about? get ur shit self to crossfit and stay there. “twoning wexercises wlike burpees”

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do i also do yoga and go vegan or what

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1. Stay with a simple routine- True
2. Lift heavy ass weights- Agreed, (although incorporating medium weight/ high reps does work different muscle fibers, which should be included in any program)
3. STOP BITCHING AND GET YOUR ASS TO THE GYM- ABSO FUCKING LUTELY.
4. Stop worrying about your abs and EAT- AGREED to a certain extent. The fact that you can’t build muscle and burn fat at the same time is complete GARBAGE. Ever heard of thermogenesis?

“Whole milk has fat! Almonds have fat! I can’t eat fat! FAIL! Listen, drinking whole milk and lifting heavy ass weights equals muscle mass.” So drinking fat free milk more frequently equals less muscle mass?…… Ok… Because the last time ANYONE checked, FAT DOESN’T MAGICALLY CONVERT TO MUSCLE.

While I do agree that lifting heavy is lifting smart, I do have to disagree with some of the absolute shit in this article. It stated that it doesn’t matter if you eat clean or dirty (which is absolutely fucking ridiculous) for a bulk cycle. If I wanted to put a shit load of saturated and trans-fat in my body daily then I would stick to eating big macs. BUT WAIT! I’ll get my carbs from deep fried potatoes, and my nutrients from fucking smoothies.C’mon man. Work smarter, not harder, guys. Just remember that the more bullshit you put into your body, the harder it is going to be to strip that bullshit away to appreciate any gains you have made. And to have guys asking at the gym what you’re taking because your diet consists of whoppers and fries? Bitch, please. LIFT HEAVY, BE CONSISTENT, AND DON’T BE A PUSSY. Oh, get a good multivitamin, don’t forget your fucking fruits and veggies (juice them if you can. It’s easier and more beneficial to drink your calories than it is to chew them down), and eat copious amounts of good whole foods at least seven times a day. You should be eating every three hours at least. Why? This keeps the furnace burning and the muscle growing. It’s nearly impossible to stick to that. We ALL NEED SLEEP! Muscles aren’t born in the gym. That’s where the work is put in. The growth comes from REST. You don’t work your ass off having sex with your wife and then see a baby in an hour, right? It takes time. That baby is resting in there for 9 months. How do I know this method works? BECAUSE I WENT FROM 140 TO 205 (at 5’8), SOLID, IN ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF. Can’t wait a year? Give it up and fuck off. You’ll never make it without patience and guidance.

NOW, as far as programs go, build a good, strong core, using compound movements. That part is correct. Deadlifts, squats… I have a 150lb rock in my backyard that I use to start every workout. I pick it up and walk from fence to fence x5. That’s 50yds. there, 50yds. back= 1 rep. That is how I start my routine. It may not work for you, but it works for me. We are all individuals. What works for one may not work for another. Find what works for you and stick with it. My bitch ass is out. Keep it cool AND LIFT, BITCHES. I’M OUT.

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I’m only 172 today. I’m a 33 Army Infantry combat veteran and married with three kids. NO EXCUSE. It doesn’t take long to lose the size once you put it on. YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT UP. It’s a long hard road. YOU have to decide if the benefits outweigh your happiness. It’s a LIFESTYLE choice. Being big and being happy are two different things. Unless being huge makes you happy. I’m currently bulking right now and I’m doing so without McDonalds or Burger King. Sure, It takes a little longer, but hey. You won’t be a fat ass. NOW GET TO WORK.

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Holy shit, I’m late.

Just one thing I’d like to say here… If anyone else reads this… Ever.

There is no “metabolic furnace”, you can’t trick your body into burning more calories by manipulating meal frequency. It also doesn’t “keep you anabolic”. Amino acids from previous meals are still being introduced into your blood stream HOURS after your last protein packed meal. You won’t fall into a catabolic state in a few hours. That’s horseshit.

So lift heavy. Eat well and comfortably. And sleep better.

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COrrect. Eat big

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Also lift heavy ass weights!

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WHile this is true you prolly need some isolation like lat pul or chins dips and cross over double arms outwards over hand gripped bent over decline cable flyes

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…. They are “isolation” movements?? Go home boy…

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I think he was trolling but i laughed.

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Dude cross over double arms outwards over hand gripped bent over decline cable flyes are amazing. But i always perform the cross over double arms outwards over hand gripped bent over decline cable flyes on the bosu ball. So much more effective.

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hey guyz, Tank here! Sooooo, i did all ur guys’ workouts and eat stuf, butt i lost like 50 pds???? my wait went down 2 75 pds and my bench is now 82.6 pds???? I kno all u prolly dont like me hehe but i jus really need 2 get some mussle mass on meh!!! Also, ur all meat monsters!!!!!

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Lift Heavy ASS weights
1. Squat. Quads/Glutes
2. Deadlift Lower back
3. Shoulder Press Shoulders
4. Bench Press. Chest
5. Pull downs. Upper back

Eat big ASS. Meals and Sleep your big ASS.

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Brilliant.i could not of said it better,I’m a born again bodybuilder with a long way ahead of me. Maggots make excuses

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I have a PhD in Sport’s Medicine and have been lifting for 15 years. The advice is good and given in manner that is open to interpretation. We all have personal goals and must understand 52 weeks is not consistent with working out every second! Use common sense. Get big.

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How long should I bulk before I cut? FAIL!

LOL. That is so true. People make too much of this. It’s very basic. And funny too apparently.

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fuck yeah, all these scrawny fucks at the gym always wanting to know how to get big, I tell them to eat a lot, then they cry about how they want to keep their “abs”. Its fucking retarted.

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lol some of this rings true ive been lifting 20 yrs so do know a little.Its true if u want mass then heavy compound lifting adds a huge amount of core stregnth over time thus helping your lifts in other areas too (however training to injury is not advisable).It is also true to expect pain in your muscles as if you dont then wtf you even doing in the gym,this pain is the muscles growing and rejuvinating after being battered by your routine.And i know for a fact the milk thing is 100 percent true as i recently split from my missus had no food hence no energy to train for several months and i lost almost 3 stone.So for the past two weeks ive been drinking a gallon of milk every day along with modest amounts of food and not only have i had the energy to train but ive already gained almost a stone back again.But DO NOT lift heavy ass straight off,work your way up or risk a serious fucking injury that could negatively effect your training for many yrs,perhaps even permanently.My two cents.

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Screw everyone else, I know from experience, this works

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Dumb as fuck no gains if you follow this BS

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Let’s see your amazing physique e-warrior.

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This is the dumbest advice I’ve seen online so far. HAHAHA I was actually laughing as I read this! Getting hurt is expected? No routine changes? No rest? If you want to be the guy at the gym lifting really heavy with bad form that looks the same all year round, go for it guys! If you want to build your body and reach your goals, study the science behind body building. Body building is not lifting as heavy as you can, it is making the muscles work as hard as they can. Heavy lifting and body building are two separate things. Ask the guys with hernias and back problems how they feel!!! :-)

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The clue train didn’t stop at your door son.

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This is the best article about lifting I’ve ever read. Thanks man!

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Jeremy Dickman
July 24, 2013 3:28 am

I love it, simple just like in the old days, check out Pumping Iron back in the 70’s-80’s, simple equipment and train heavy! I never saw anybody small in that video!!

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Dequinton champion
July 24, 2013 12:31 am

Aye man im Dequin champion, im in highschool and im 5″11 163.6lbs with 14.3% body fat and im trying to get bigger because I want to join the army when I graduate, but its been hard for me to gain weight because I swimm for my school. Do you any tips or advice?

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Don’t swim, lift.

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Swim in pussy, after you lift.

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straight to the point. i like

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Are you crazy ???
Everything you said is partly a crap and many will suffer from injuries and no growth results if they follow your advices.
Going on a routine and not leaving it is not the thing
choosing the right routine for your best growth
You said 52 weeks a year
Are you insane
Training for the whole year every day
i know training more will increase gains but if you will keep on training and don’t give your muscles rest they won’t grow because training will only break your muscles
your body needs rest to grow
and if you keep on training you will just lose your muscles
No gains

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No one said to train 7 days a week. Relax and change your underwear.

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You will get your rest when you sleep,now go lift some heavy ass weights ,,,,,,,,Booyaaaa

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filet mignon
May 18, 2014 1:21 am

don’t get your panties in a twist Baliwal. you really missed the boat on this one.

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SUPER AMAZING POST!!!!!! I JUST LOVED IT!

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armando calado
July 7, 2013 7:38 am

very funny comment but, you made your point. thanks!!!!!!!!!!!

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yo great post. screw all the bs. being in the gym is the only way to get big no matter how you do it. no excuses

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wisdom words , No time for other plan .Your ideas are an ABSOLUTE THRUTH I dare say.
” EAT , TRAIN , STUDY , PRAY”
May God keep you all safe.
yours truly,
Soldier monk

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i needed this reality check. thank you!!!!!

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billymaysfan
May 31, 2013 10:38 pm

!!!!!!!Hi Billy Mays here!!!!!!!
“Lift Heavy Ass Weights

Lift heavy ass weight. Heavy ass weight makes muscles grow. Heavy ass weight can be in any rep range, because it is heavy ass weight and is kicking your balls seven ways to Sunday.

What rep range should I use? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!
What should my rep speed be? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

Stop Bitching and Get Your Ass to the Gym!
I’m tired.
My toe hurts.
My right nut seems small today, maybe I shouldn’t train.

Want to know how to fail? I mean epic fail? Continue to make excuses, and avoid going to the gym. Want to know how to succeed? Gird up your balls, shut the hell up, and get your ass to the gym, 52 weeks a year. The end.

This isn’t complicated.

Of course your left nut hurts!

Forget Your Damned Abs and Eat!

I want a six pack!

Bud, if you think you can pack on muscle and carve out a six pack in the same month, you need to lay off the crack pipe.

This just in…if you want muscle, you need to eat big. If you want to be a 220 mass monster, but only weigh 120, you need to start eating like you weigh 220 pounds.

How long should I bulk before I cut? FAIL! Eat until people at the gym start asking you where you get your steroids from. Then, and only then can you start cutting.

Should my bulk be dirty or clean? FAIL! Grab a shovel and get to gettin’.

Lift heavy ass weight using heavy ass compound lifts.
Eat big.
Never miss a workout.

Routine? FAIL! – Lift heavy ass weights!

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This fuckin article was amazing! 5 stars!!!!!

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Fuck. Finally an article that give’s me motivation to workout again! I’ve lost over 8 lbs. of muscle since I quit workin out 4 months ago. Time to “Quit Bitchin’ N start Liftin’!”

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Elskorpio76
May 23, 2013 12:49 am

GREATEST FREAKIN ARTICLE EVER!!! Straight to the point without all the BS!

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Great advice this is what I have done and you will notice results fast I started 3 weeks ago and I can lift DOUBLE the amount I could when I first started

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BS have you lmao

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Thanks for posting this!! This is the inspiration that keeps me going in the gym, so many articles and info out there dance around asking simple questions! Not you!!!! You lay it down! Thanks!

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Stand on the edge of a step and relax both heels (gently) as far as you can over the step, now raise right up onto your toes. Ow? Do it for 15 reps to start, then increase. Also, ablulotesy anything on your toes will work out your calves, so walk around the house on your toes.If you want lean legs then stretch out deeply and fully afterwards. If you want bulk then stretch a little to avoid strain and muscle atrophy, but don’t stretch as deeply.

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It is true, nothing fancy , just eat right work hard plain and simple.

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Thanks so simple lets get fukin lifting ;)

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awesome seminar. i agree with absolutley everything said here.
the genius in this advice is it’s simplicity.
eating big to fuel big lits=big muscles.

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I Thought That was a F-N AUSOME Article PERIOD.. HE told the Truth,He was straight up about it,no BS. Very Good Article to Read!. LIFT HEAVY ASS WEIGHTS! IF U GET A CHANCE READ THAT!. #5 STARS!. THANKS 4POSTEN THAT!.

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That is the funniest shit I’ve ever read and AWESOME advice.

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SO TRUE. thank you – cant preach this enough. Lift a shit ton of weight so your muscles are always sore. Eat a shit ton of food. Focus on basic lifts. Repeat

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The best advice I have heard… And heard before. I have been doing this for 6 months and I feel like a monster and my wife has really noticed too. Can’t complain with that :)

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LOL MY RIGHT NUT SEEMS SMALLER TODAY I LMAO

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It’s so true, everybody is always wondering how to get bigger but never want to put in work or lift heavy ass weights

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Preach on brotha.

I’m going into year 2 of basing my workouts around the 4 big lifts (squats, deadlifts, bench, overheard press) and have packed on slabs of muscle mass in the process. I spend less time in the gym than most yet I can move more weight too. The trainers in their 20s at my gym do a double take when they see me (approaching 40 with lots of gray hair) squat close to 400 lbs.

I recommend programs such as Rippetoe’s Starting Strength and Wendlers 5/3/1. If I could go back in time 25 years, I’d tell my 13 year old self to do this kind of program. I’d have been huge in high school and my life would have been totally different.

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Hahaha that was an awesome read. Eat/lift big to get big! Got it!

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(C) Paul

FAIL! use google it’s 2012

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you are awesome! hat was true and funny as hell

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Awesome write up, good humor and best of all, real advice.

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This is so funny! “Left Heavy Ass Weights” But my toe hurts. “Left Heavy Ass Weights” What about my waist line? I know Lift t heavy ass weighs.

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Hey I recently started gyming but thing is I’m nt doing it to be healthy or sumtn I just wna look good lyk I wnt to be ripped any advice

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lift havy ass weight…. I totaly agree

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Btw whats a compund Excersise :/?

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