1) STUART MCROBERT IS TERRIFIED OF HIS OWN FUCKING SHADOW.

His entire training philosophy, from his Brawn books, to Lose Fat, Get Fit, to his myriad articles, centers around the central premise of fear. McRobert is afraid of overtraining. He’s afraid of “dangerous exercises”. He’s afraid of injury. He’s afraid of cameras (has anyone EVER seen a picture of this “guru”?) He’s probably afraid of a litany of other things as well, but I’ve no interest in enumerating the lot of them. The main problem with this first point, other than the glaring issue of the fact that he’s a massive, bloody vagina, is the fact that he’s been able to spread his disgusting tripe all over bookstores and the Internet for going on 20 years, leaving a pile of slack-jawed pussies, lowered testosterone levels, and heightened serum cortisol levels in his wake. As such, he can go fuck himself.

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2) HE’S COMPLETELY PREOCCUPIED WITH GENETICS.

McRobert has espoused that everyone train within their genetic potential for the entirety of his career. There are some obvious problems with this approach- namely, it automatically sets arbitrary limits and assumes failure, fails to give an adequate standard by which one could gauge one’s level of genetic fitness for bodybuilding, predicates his approach on a system of somatotyping that was abandoned and ridiculed by every single accredited person in the medical community decades ago, and apparently never heard of the idea that ontogenic adaptation and evolution occurs. Thus, he’s either willfully ignorant of reality, or is deliberately utilizing the public forum he has built to deliberately mislead people. He should begin fucking himself, stat.

3) HE COINED THE TERM “HARDGAINER.”

Though he coined this term, he at no point demonstrated conclusively a manner by which one could objectively determine one’s self to be one, thereby creating legions of pasty-faced assholes who will blather on about being hardgainers simply because they’ve never trained hard a day in their lives, their diets suck shit, they don’t squat or deadlift, and they think a workout routine consists of milling about Nautilus equipment for 45 minutes a day, three times a week. McRobert and his legions of hardgainers can go fuck themselves- they’re pussies though, so it won’t be the epic, Max Hardcore fucking they deserve.

4) HE ESPOUSES SAFE TRAINING.

What the fuck should be safe about training? If one’s life is not in imminent peril, where’s one’s motivation to lift a given weight? Furthermore, what the fuck is fun about being safe? What kid likes to wear a helmet when he rides a bike? What person likes to drive at or below the posted speed limit? What person likes watered-down alcohol? What person wants to box their friends wearing adequate protective gear? I’ll tell you who- desperately boring, testosterone-deficient, slack-jawed pussies who fear innovation, vibrance, and anything interesting, and who wouldn’t know a good time if ten topless, big-tittied sluts in micro-mini jean skirts awakened them from a dead sleep with the promise of 6 weeks of nonstop oral pleasure and drunken fisticuffs. The type of person who’s favorite color is beige and thinks that Barry Manilow is acceptable music to fuel a lifting session. You know who doesn’t like safe training? Anyone who wants to win a lifting competition, succeed in life, snap necks and cash checks, bend a chick over the counter at Denny’s in front of a bevy of startled onlookers and then smile for the camera phones clicking away while wondering the name of the chick he’s penetrating. Angry, misanthropic, tattooed and goateed people who think that Godsmack is easy-listening music and who could total elite without gear, half asleep, and recovering from the flu, that’s who. Both safety and Stuart McRobert can go fuck themselves.

5) HE’S EVIDENTLY NEVER HEARD OF THE BULGARIAN OLYMPIC WEIGHTLIFTING TEAM.

McRobert posted a “Ten Commandments” online, ostensibly to further fuck with the hearts and minds of bodybuilding aficionados everywhere, in which three of his commandments are “Weight train no more than three times a week”, “Don’t skimp on warmup sets”, and “Do no more than 20 work sets per workout (not per body part, per workout!).” Bereft of explanation, these statements hardly require any, as any attempt at elucidation would only highlight further his myriad shortcomings and illogic. As anyone who lifts knows the Bulgarians are all brutally strong, Olympic Gold medal snatching, muscular motherfuckers from a nation so shit-poor and awful that in spite of the fact that it’s located right next to the über-shithole Turkey, its population is actually decreasing as its population goes anywhere else. The Bulgarians are hardly known for being a physically powerful people, yet in spite of their seeming genetic shortfall, they’ve amassed huge numbers of Olympic medals by virtue of the fact that they train harder than everyone. Bulgarians train 6 days a week, for 6 to 8 hours a day, most of which is 85% of their one rep max or greater. Thus, they’re doing “unsafe” exercises with hideously “unsafe” weights, for exponentially greater amounts of time than the wise Mr. McRobert suggests. Furthermore, according to Leo Costa, they barely warm up at all. Thus, they are living proof that McRobert is a pussy, and he should go fuck himself.

6) HE HAS HORRIFYINGLY LOW STANDARDS.

He thinks that a man of average height (which we’ll assume is 5’10”), at “”just” 190 pounds and 10% bodyfat will drop the jaws of almost everyone,” and that such a physique “would have won you big contests 40+ years ago.” This statement is patently absurd, for a wide variety of reasons. First, bodybuilders of the 1980s and 1990s were, by and large, well over 190 lbs, with the exception of perhaps Flavio Baccianini. He was practically a fucking midget however, so that hardly counts. Second, 10% bodyfat, for anyone under 280 lbs, is hardly impressive. Thus, McRobert sets the bar low and encourages his trainees to aim lower, due to their genetics. Stuart McRobert and genetics can go fuck themselves.

7) HIS DIET ADVICE BLOWS.

McRobert advocates the consumption of less than one gram of protein per pound of bodyweight. Given that most paleolithic dieting authors, who are hardly bodybuilding enthusiasts, advocate protein consumption in excess of this, McRobert is an ass. If humans in the wild readily consume up to 65% (according to Loren Codain) of their daily calories in the form of protein, it stands to reason that modern trainees should do, at the very least, the same. Apparently, McRobert thinks that he knows better, in spite of the fact that he couldn’t match any Paleolithic human in any contest of strength or endurance. I’m sure there’s a bisexual Paleolithic man somewhere on the planet who wouldn’t mind helping ol’ Stu go fuck himself.

8) HE ESPOUSES AMUSINGLY INFREQUENT TRAINING.

McRobert actually typed the following words: “While it seems to be easier, at least for some people, to build strength on infrequent training schedules where a given exercise or bodypart is trained less often than once a week, many people seem to need a bit more frequency-twice every 7-10 days or so per bodypart, though not necessarily the same frequency for each area-in order to produce muscle growth.” That just happened. Who get better at something by doing less of it? The answer: NO-FUCKING-ONE. If you think HIT is the answer, it’s because you’re less of a man than RuPaul and you think that training might give you ugly, big muscles. You shouldn’t be reading this site- you should be on an anorexic-friendly site wherein everyone cheers you on while you starve yourself. No one has ever gotten better or bigger by doing less of anything, unless you’re a circus fat man or you were doing way too much of the wrong fucking thing, and you started doing the right thing. McRobert and infrequent training advocates can go fuck themselves ever 7-10 days. Fucking retards.

9) HE THINKS YOU’RE AS BIG A PUSSY AS HE IS.

McRobert recommends you eschew singles, doubles, and triples, because you might get hurt! God forfuckingbid you get stronger, but you might hurt yourself in the process. Apparently having never even heard of the stock market, or being a sole advocate of low risk/low yield mutual funds, McRobert thinks that lifting like the biggest pussy of all time will make you slightly stronger, very slowly. While he’s very slowly getting stronger, he can very slowly ease his own cock into his ass and go fuck himself. No fucking risk, no goddamned reward. Go big, or get the fuck out of the gym and let the men handle the lifting.

10) HE CLAIMS YOU SHOULD ONLY DEADLIFT WITH A FLAT BACK.

Oh yeah? Ever seen Andy Bolton dead 1000+? I have, and the very last thing that was employed was a flat back. Certainly, in training, it’s something to which one should aspire, but when you’re busting ass, Brooks Kubik and Andy Bolton both agree- GET THE FUCKING WEIGHT OFF THE GROUND, AND FUCK YOUR LOWER BACK. McRobert and his bitch-ass lower back can go fuck themselves.

If you found this article offensive, feel free to go fuck yourself. You probably lack the mental acuity to understand the points I’ve made, the courage to anally rape yourself, or the strength to take yourself by force, but I still wholeheartedly encourage you to fuck yourself good and hard. Just be careful to make it an abbreviated session, as you wouldn’t want to overtrain.

Jamie Lewis is a professional asshole who maintains the wildly popular strength training and nutrition blog “ChAoS and PAIN” at chaosandpain.blogspot.com whenever he’s not at the gym throwing around massive weights or standing in the mall mocking the mentally and physically deficient.

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27 Responses to “10 Reasons Stuart McRobert Can Go Fuck Himself”

1. Todd says:

   December 15, 2009 at 12:46 am

   Don’t hold back. Tell us how you really feel. :) I don’t think that I’d go as far as you in saying this, but overall, I’d say that you hit a homer here.
2. auridius says:

   December 16, 2009 at 2:53 am

   Seems this retarded writer needs some attention (affection) and didn’t read McRoberts work.
   Promote yourself instead of demoting others authors, you retarded fuck-up.
3. jason says:

   December 27, 2009 at 7:55 am

   Yeah, fuck it. Lets just heave shit as spastically as possible in whatever haphazard manner we can find! Injuries are just natures way of saying you shoulda stuck to yoga. Here’s my mini article called 10 reasons Jamie Lewis Should go fuck themself.

   1. Stuart may be scared of all those things but one thing he aint scared of is going hard and heavy and safe progression.

   2. I forget who said it, but why the fuck is it people go see Arnold and think they can be as big as him but no one watched Manute Bol, and tried to be as tall as him. Yes it sucks but genetics are a factor, and yes you can get better absolutely and Mcroberts espouses that.

   3. For “HardGainers” stuart recommends squats and deadlifts. Did you actually read any of his books? His latest has the trainee start on squats and deadlifts. Not one fucking machine needed in it.

   4. Why safety? Because its your fucking health and body. Because both should last a long time. Because getting injured, hurt and feeble fucking sucks.

   5. How the fuck did you write an article if you are training 6-8 hours a day like the Bulgarian Olympic team. Fuck that, if big muscles cost 6-8 hours a day, fuck it, I’ve got other things to do. Stuarts not saying that shit dont work, he’s saying that shit dont work well for everyone and there is a better way.

   6. Well John Grimek was the face of bodybuilding in the 50’s and Stuarts books came out in the 90’s so yes a dude that was 5″8 at 210 pounds was wowing the shit out of everyone. Your math fucking sucks. Stuarts standards are ” According to Brawn, you reaching a 300lb bench press, 400lb squat and 500lb deadlift is realistic. ”

   7. How funny, because i remember him telling people that most any approach will work, but you have to find the approach for you. I think suggested Clarence Bass’ Ripped and a low carb diet as two approaches in beyond brawn.

   8. 2x per week, full body routines or some variation of a split. Steve Reeves and John Grimek did 3x per week full body and it did them good.

   9. Go ahead. When you fuck yourself up, it’s one less asshole I have to compete for the squat rack.

   10. I agree with you here. Chronic back pain in life is a privilege. Is it hard to type while sucking so much cock? If we are what we eat, then yes i’m a pussy, and by your own admission your an asshole, so enjoy.
4. Ink. says:

   February 4, 2010 at 1:03 am

   You are clearly an idiot. Why do people always want to talk about massive steroid heads like Arnold, Coleman and the Bulgarian team? You must be a massive steroid freak just like the people you promote. Bulgarians workout 6-8 hours per day? LOL! You actually believe that shit? What a moron.

   You do a discredit to this website. I have lost IQ point reading you f-bomb article. Do yourself a favor. Lose the steroids and try reading the McRobert’s books before criticizing him.
5. Swole McSwell says:

   April 10, 2010 at 8:54 am

   The whiners chiming in clearly miss the point of the article.

   Those who “play it safe” in almost any endeavor, meaning they don’t push the envelope, will never reach their ultimate potential. Sure, you might not have the genetics to be Arnold or Ronnie or even Clarence Bass. But to find out your potential, your limits, you have to go all out. That the complainers can’t see through the humor and grasp the point shows they’re too scared to step back and take look at themselves. Because on some level they sense what pansies they really are. An army of manlets.
6. richie says:

   April 19, 2010 at 2:54 pm

   It is wrong to smear shit all over somebody like you did but on the other hand, one does need to push the limits in order to succeed. You can add tiny platemates to your deadlift and maybe by the age of 70 you will hit that magic 500lbs. I have read most of macroberts material and have never seen a photo of the guy. It is hard to believe someone who you can’t see. I do like that he advocates staying with basic exercises and hard work(most guys need this advise) but ya gotta push beyond your limits sometimes.
7. Nigel says:

   April 24, 2010 at 7:21 pm

   One thing I agree with the author about is McRobert’s over-emphasis of the important of genetics. The average man can gain an impressive amount of muscle and strength with hard training over time. Period. Fuck Genetics
8. Mick Madden says:

   April 26, 2010 at 12:46 pm

   I agree with you Nigel. I am a small-boned, skinny fat guy who started with little muscle and even less strength. I have poor genetics. Quite frankly I’m glad I wasn’t aware of this until 20 years too late.
9. Jeff says:

   May 29, 2010 at 9:24 am

   YES!!!!
   I’ve been training since 1977. I’m 50, 5′8″ and still 220lbs–no steroids! How?
   By training like a fucking maniac and eating shitloads of protein that’s how. This guy’s right: play it safe and you might as well fuck off home!
   Over the last few years I’ve noticed a lot more people of my age start at the gym. They are shown how to train “safely” by the 120lb pimply adolescents that purport to be personal trainers. They might as well not bother for all the results they are getting.
   “Be safe” they say to each other as they drive off on their Harleys.
   FUCK OFF!!! BE DANGEROUS!!
   Get on a 1000cc crotch rocket like mine and scare the shit out of yourselves. Know what it’s like to be truly alive!
   Yep, safety can go fuck itself — along with all the interfering assholes that make laws to try and make me safe.
   Did human beings get to the moon by being safe?
10. Mick Madden says:

    May 29, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    Ohh, man. I life in Harley country (Wisconsin). Trade that sucker in brother! Repent!

    Good comment, btw. Come join us at the forum. Would love to hear about your training:

    http://muscleandbrawn.com/forums/
11. sure whatever says:

    June 3, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    ” You probably lack the mental acuity to understand the points I’ve made”, and what intelligent thought provoking points they were too! my favourite point you made was the part where you told Stuart McRobert to go fuck himself 20+ times…..
    congrats Jamie Lewis, you truly are the worlds dumbest meathead cunt.
12. z-man says:

    June 5, 2010 at 12:48 am

    I think u are a moron to make fun of less fortunate people at the mall who are smaller than u. u sound like the typical steriod asshole that gives lifting a bad name
13. arlen says:

    June 11, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    A longtime ago stuarts name was mentioned to vince gironda and vinces response was ” who has stuart mcroberts ever trained” end of story. I have been around the game a long time an have never seen a picture of him.maybe someone could post it -Arnold and franco used to make up crazy training routines and put them in M.F. AND LAUGH BECAUSE THEY KNEW SOME DUMB ASS SOMEWHERE WOULD TRY TO DO IT-and the famous COLORADO EXPERIMENT that some people believe SAID thaT casy viator gained 60 pounds of muscle in a month{IT WAS ALL MUSCLE MEMORY AND A TON OF STEROIDS} is total bullshit casey was big a longtime before he met arthur jones I knew casey when he used to date a friend of mine,98% OF THE SHIT OUT HERE ABOUT TRAINING IS FANTASY- EVER THOUGHT ABOUT WHY REAVES AND GREMIK LOOKED DIFF. IN THE 50′S ,BECAUSE FROM THEM TO PAUL ANDERSON EVERBODY WAS ON STEROIDS BUT HOFFMAN AND WEIDER SAID IT WAS THEIR SUPPLEMENTS STROIDS HAVE BEEN AROUND SINCE 1929 MAYBE BABE RUTH AND HANK ARRON , AWW THEY WOULDNT WANT AN ADVANTAGE LIKE THAT IT WOULDNT BE SPORTSMAN LIKE- and for all morons who by the latest superduper whey blowmyballs wheyprotein drinks to gain size nothing and i mean nothing beats the drink that made casey a monster and my self when I started training- so herE it is YOU WANT SOME FUCKIN SERIOUS SIZE THIS IS IT! 1 GALLON OF MILK,1PACK CARNATION INSTANT MILK .1 DOZEN EGGS, 1 CUP OR MORE OF ICE CREAM TO YOUR TASTE,1 CUP OF PEANUT BUTTER,EAT YOUR REGULAR MEALS AND SIP THIS MIXTURE ALL DAY UNTIL YOU GO TO BED-IF YOU DONT GET BIG FROM THIS YOU ARE DEAD!
14. Mark Rippetoe says:

    June 11, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    I would pay cash money for a picture of McRoberts.
15. notmyrealname says:

    June 12, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    McRobert is supposedly against steroids and mainstream bodybuilding, yet he uses pictures of IFBB pro Constantinos Demetriou to model his books. A bit of a hypocritical bait and switch.

    I too would pay cash money for a pic of McRobert (if that IS his real name).

    I agree, fuck ‘em!
16. The Iron Sheik says:

    June 12, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    He’s probably a marketing campaign written by a ghost writer, filling a niche.
17. Why Stuard McRobert can… | Hard Sweat says:

    June 13, 2010 at 12:59 am

    [...] 10 Reasons Stuart McRobert Can Go Fuck Himself « Muscle and Brawn Bodybuilding and Powerlifting. [...]
18. k says:

    June 22, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    This writer is quite…a dick. I have read McRobert’s books. His picture is on one of them, not that it really matters in any significant way to make than an issue. I have worked in sports medicine and weight training for over twenty years and I can tell you from the massive amount of people coming in with long-term injuries from weight training that McRobert’s approach can serve, not all, but many. People over thirty-five, full time job, couple kids, maybe busy with other activities and this advice may be the best for them if they want to lift weights.

    This critique is more of a petty batch of insults. Sounds like envy fueled hate.
    McRobert has successfully earned my respect than the writer of this shit.
19. Nathan says:

    June 29, 2010 at 12:49 am

    I really liked this article. I agree fuck safety, people who see me in the gym always tell me to be more careful, but I’m making gains and they don’t seem to be. I’m only 21 and I’ve already passed Stuart McRobert’s pussy ass 300 bench 400 squat 500 deadlift limit, and honestly I don’t feel like I’m really that strong yet. I was skinny and weak as hell before I started lifting.

    The one thing I disagree with about this article is on training frequency. I tried working out six days a week, (each muscle group twice a week) I even tried 2 a days working everything 3 times a week and I got jack shit from it. Working each muscle group only once a week has worked much better for me than anything else I’ve tried so he may be right about one thing.
20. Stan says:

    June 29, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Why doesn’t this piece get pulled until someone knowledgeable helps him correct the endless bullshit. The irony is that McRobert espouses the same full body compound routines as the “learned” author. Total rewrite pal.
21. Coach Chris says:

    June 30, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    When a great leader falls because of a lack of integrity, it is
    very painful for all involved. Tearing another person down to
    build yourself up, only leads to a false impression of yourself.

    When someone is tearing others down in front of You this is
    …a guarantee they will do the same to You behind Your back.
    Ultimately you will crash and burn from your lack of character.

    Spend your time speaking what you believe to be is true rather than putting down the work of others that you believe to be wrong. I also would have taken you more seriously had you not used the word “fuck” so much.
22. Dirk Diggler says:

    June 30, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Coach, chill. Sarcasm and humor use different methods to teach. Stop starching your underwear. Address the points made by the author. Because essentially, all you did was position yourself as better then the author, while attacking the author. So you attacked the author over his attack on McRobert. You sound like a Pharisee. Keep your robe clean!
23. sma says:

    July 21, 2010 at 2:46 am

    After removing the irreverent and inaccurate nonsense, trimming off the insults and foul language and discarding the cringe worthy attempt at sarcasm what did this article actually prove other then the author can count to ten(probably with assistance) and is probably suffering from a form of steroid induced psychosis.
24. mike baggett says:

    July 22, 2010 at 2:18 am

    Well, well, all sounds good and fine and let’s all jump on the band wagon. I can benefit from lots of training programs. I have fair genetics, yes, genetics. They do exist. I can train very hard for 6 or 8 weeks but I can train myself into the ground. When tendons are hurting and your back aches and you can’t get out of bed because your body is crying rest, then, it makes sense to back down. Cycling the training would then make sense. I think Stuart makes some good comments and like Mike Mentzer is stuck on the overtraining theme, but he’s not altogether wrong. I think people could benefit from following his advise. They might not win Mr. America but they could improve their physique. I think we all have different goals. I want to be shaped and a little bigger than the average Joe. Yes, stand out as a muscle guy. However, I don’t want to look like Dorian Yates. You might just want to do that. I’m not knocking you. You do what it takes to get where you want to be and I’ll do what I have to do to look great at 50.
25. shawn says:

    August 10, 2010 at 1:32 am

    I like the article but stuarts books where what started me on the roadto correct training but much like the modern magazine being not good. his training works but it is to much inthe other direction and his routine are a little under volumed. That being said if I would have never read brawn I proably would not to be able to bench 350+ and deadlift 500 they started me on the right course which I studied and found out the truth for myself. I am sure if not introduced to abbreviated training I would have gave up while benching 250 and getting no where. after that I found the 5×5 by that time modern training routins where satarting to recognise low vlume such as dc and some of the popular powerlifting routines of the day.
26. chryss says:

    August 11, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    I never was a ‘roid junkie, but now I want that shit you’re on boy…

    Tests in the sky, internet-mouth-karate skills upgraded, brain function damaged… hell that juice may be the drug of this new millennia…

    You should be kept in a massive cage, and without internet of course. Because your article is the best proof that even a monkey can get some publicity here…

    It was a LOLler though….
27. Mr. HG says:

    August 26, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    The thing I like about McRobert’s books is that there is a logic and clear methodology to his philosophy, whether you agree with him or not is another matter. Sure he is repetitive, but I think that is only due to the fact that so many people are trying to get physiques like the Mr. Olympias that he feels he really needs to drive home the message that these guys are ‘blessed’ genetically and take steroids & HGH. Just look at his columns in Flex, you’ll see people sending in essentially the same questions each month, like, “how do I build arms like Cutler, Warren, Dexter etc.” Anyway, McRobert’s advice has worked for me after all the conventional routines did little in terms of muscle growth, and that’s what matters. I think this article is just a way of driving some publicity by insulting an established authority, the author clearly hasn’t even read the books judging by the comments. In a way some of the regimes that McRobert promotes are not too dissimilar to the programmes Yates used, he modifies them for people who canot dedicate 24-7 to bodybuilding, but the principles are similar. There are also loads of other pro bodybuilders who advocate safety and correct technique while lifting, personally I’d rather trust those guys than this gobshite.
28. god i am great says:

    August 26, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    “If humans in the wild readily consume up to 65% (according to Loren Codain) of their daily calories in the form of protein, it stands to reason that modern trainees should do, at the very least, the same.”

    lol, the reason why people in the wild might consume up to 65% of their daily calories from protein is not because they NEED to, it’s because their diets mainly consist of wild animals. So of course their diet’s going to be high in protein, they don’t have much of a choice, but you don’t need a high protein diet to live in the wild you fucking retard.